QUESTIONS & ANSWERS - TABLOID & SERIOUS, ADULT & PERSONAL

ADULT & PERSONAL

Q) Why do you keep stressing about your age?

Ans) Because the age to be humiliated full time about my age has already begun, within my home especially where I have been humiliated in every other way since birth because of our struggles and frustrations. But I am happy that I have been kept alive till this age. First it was humiliation about my face that was under remote access technology play, then my body, then my destroyed career years and now it will be about my age along with all the above.

Q) Why is it so bitter for you to keep quoting your age every day?

Ans) Because when I was younger I had hopes and aspirations that I wished would be fulfilled in my life at a certain age and for every human it is necessary to get some basic life experiences till a certain age. In my case, there have been interruptions and disruptions, bad experiences and certain things about how I have been used which are still not revealed to me. But yet there have been other ‘special’ experiences that maybe not everyone lives.

Q) Are you still affected by the hate,mock,humiliation,insult given to you by your family members?

Ans) They are conditioned to hate,mock,humiliate me since my birth and childhood and that will never end because of their own frustrations but more than that it is the users,internal watchers,employers etc and all those who kept watching me struggle and destroyed and either used me for free or avoided me to use my struggle to set up other peoples lives and careers. All those who could have given me any new life to live but kept me caged in the same set of poisons so that I could used and looted at source, destroyed and wasted into 'nothing'

Q) The few video clips that you uploaded from your phone in which you wear different faces, is that meant to be an acting piece?

Ans) No. It is just a few clips that happened because a rare holiday trip happened this winter after I consumed some live snow visuals online on snapchat and other internet sites and I needed to make those phone clips I made after it public and I realized it is only the first time that I ever experienced something as simple as snowfall, nobody ever bothered to take me through such an experience even till 37 years so I did it for my own self and for all those people whose visuals I consumed online and loved online on chat sites. As for the ‘face’, that acting piece has been imposed on me since childhood and all I can say is that all that technology has been wasted and never noticed or used by an Indian while my years have been wasted and destroyed in India.

Q)Isn’t that also because your face and skin was destroyed?

Ans) that happened between ages 20 and 32 when I was just ready to embark on a professional career and mostly during my years in Bombay while I wanted to live a work and career that could have been based on using my face or a career that never needed my face used or visible. But I felt that the 20 years of growing up in Delhi were also wasted years.

Q) because you were being scolded since childhood instead of being given your own voice?

Ans) the scolding, humiliation and mock started since childhood and still continues by my family members but more than that it is the sadness in living with people who cannot recognize that a child brain may not know how to communicate yet but it may possess certain understanding about its own self which if rejected at source can scar the child deeply for life. So ever since childhood I have been trying to look for ways to communicate when in I was felt my life was being made into something that wasn’t me. But more than that, I feel sorry for them that sometimes humans keep looking for external happiness and they cannot see the miracles that have been made visible within their own home, they keep scolding a child when they couldn’t even tell that an additional technology was trying to add something to the child’s face and life. They are so busy saving whatever they earn with their struggle and hard work on that they cannot even fathom the worth invested in any of their own children kept under their roof.

Q) Did you ever tell them that your face was being ‘played with’ through technology?

Ans) I don’t tell such things to anybody, especially where there is no constructive communication so I have never ‘told’ anybody anything anywhere, because no one has ever bothered to tell me anything about how I have been used internally since childhood. Instead, I look for ways to communicate and I look for work and if i get wasted or destroyed in that, it is their loss. I made my professional aspirations clear about living some working life, I made my academic interests clear, I wanted some basic education instead of being completely wasted and destroyed and I wanted to investigate so I have made myself visible despite my skin being destroyed and wrecked in the most public of all places in India

Q) So why are you revealing it now?

Ans) Because it makes an interesting interview for my own online blog space and because of the way I have had to rely on online communication so much that this space deserves to be the place that knows the hell I have been enduring, which could always be better than it is or be worse than it is. Also, it’s laughable and entertaining for me that let alone the ignorant people of Delhi including my family, even the so called professionals of Bombay in so many years couldn’t tell how my face was being played with through i.t. Bombay based photographers, Directors, professionals could only manage to see the pits, scars, puss, hair on my non-beauty parloured face but did not have the eyes to see how my face was being played through technology to reflect various other faces so I was not surprised that they wasted me and saw me destroyed further instead of participating in any of the technology ‘magic’.

So all my photographs of my face reflecting various faces are selfies from my own phone because no one bothered to know whether I am dead or alive. Now as the phone camera quality improves, so does the quality of my face selfies, it gives me some happiness when the phone camera corrects the face forced on my own face through the remote access i.t technology and clears out the skin destroyed by bacterial infection given to me, it reinstates my confidence in my own self that evil enemies tried so hard to destroy.

Q) You really do still love your own self?

Ans) Yes. That’s how I am alive, otherwise being initiated into being accessed through remote access technology since childhood with somebody else’s face forced on my face, my own breath and brain being looted while that happened and being hated and humiliated and mocked by simple and ignorant family members and the bad experiences I have endured in India including my skin and face being destroyed and being wasted and destroyed away and my entire life struggle stolen is like living a nightmare each day of my life and knowing the next morning that I am still alive and that they haven’t murdered me yet.

Q) So how does loving your own self heal you out of it?

Ans) It doesn’t. Otherwise my life would not look like this at year 37 but it does give me a parallel world to breathe in which is of my own making. But it started really early, when I used to feel isolated, abandoned and unwanted and didn’t know the details of how my face, brain, breath was being remotely accessed and played or toyed with, I only knew what I was made to do externally within the army school stage and my own effort and hard work at study.

Q) So what is the parallel world of your making?

Ans) There are infinite parallel worlds of my making, one among them is where I love inanimate objects that neither humiliate or mock me nor give me any hateful jealous taunts. It takes me away from the world of hate and fear while I am kept caged within a room or house. So I like loving chairs, tables, bedsides made of wood since childhood and I like loving soft skin blankets and pillow throws and bedsheets.

Q) What does it mean, loving these?

Ans) It means, with the lack of any loving human contact I invested my youth and life in making love to these objects and I do wish I had a real life apart from these but till I don’t I still live within my own infinite parallel worlds. As a child I was never allowed to live as per my instinct even though the army school had freedom to use me whichever way they wanted and I had to obey them and after that my life was strategically destroyed in India.

Q) But since you were brought into stage show by the army school in primary school itself isn’t it strange that Indians never gave you any human experience along with it?

Ans) They were using me since my brain was childlike and innocent and yes it is strange that while acting is an extension of prostitution in India, no body in India ever gave me any of their boys or men to prostitute along with that could have led me to the basics of human life. But maybe that’s because the game I have been prostituted with is different,since all of my brain,breath,face,eyes have been under remote access technology on the 'inside' of which no details have been given to me, so maybe the prostitution is at the very source of my being alive since my childhood where all of my brain,face has been used alongside by people unknown to me.

Q) Which means every time you are bare since childhood or even make love to those inanimate objects, there has been somebody else participating in it along with you since your childhood through remote access technology?

Ans) maybe, it is for them to tell me the truth. And the truth must be told. So, if somebody else has been fucking me since childhood while I fucked inanimate objects it is for them to tell the truth. I have already made myself available for life and exposure in multiple cities since childhood and if they decided to waste and destroy me, its their hate and it's their loss.

Q) It is disturbing, since you are 37 years now and you are still being watched on the 'inside'?

Ans) Maybe the watchers have changed. Ever since I have been on my own, whether for a year in Melbourne which wasn’t my own choice or in Pune or Bombay or back in Delhi it feels less disturbing than when I was a child in misery growing up in the civil government area in Delhi where my parents hardwork and service brought me up. 

That age was a different prison, it was a prison where ignorance about the systems that made this inhuman world was greater and I wanted to study about it.

Q) But Indians who grew up in Delhi and Bombay, especially girls and women live rather settled lives, doesn’t your disturbing life stick out like a sore thumb or unwanted birth?

Ans) It does, India makes a show of it as well, how they groom their daughters, wives and sisters in their ‘urban’ metropolitan cities of Delhi and Bombay, how much they care for their own womenfolk regardless of appearances because they are made of their own dna and appearance. 

 The real life show that might have ‘greenlit’ me for instead since my brain, face,body, vagina was still childlike and fresh in childhood is possibly a show of destruction of an unwanted female of a dna that they do not want should live and breathe even in its own face and skin. Because that is what they are internally watching me as and they might have watched and enjoyed to see me destroyed away as a woman for decades now.

Q) So, they didn’t even regard you as a woman worth of being directed towards any of their men?

Ans) Leave alone, being a woman I am not sure that those controllers and work givers of India even regarded me as a human at all, because they have never led me towards human life experiences, they have wasted the investment of remote access technology in me and continue to watch me through remote access seeing my body caged within a delhi home room of my parents for the last 7 years only because they knew I was kept within the civil area in delhi for years altogether.

Q) Your relatives and family do not care as well?

Ans) No they do not. They are still paying for my survival, nobody else did so they do not have to give any more care. Everybody else just looted my struggle off as free source material. But they have their own struggles and frustrations so I do not expect anybody to care. This is not about being a 10 year unwanted female who is still unwanted this is about year 37.

Q) But maybe remote access technology was added to your life since childhood to make you feel special?

Ans) I am already born special as my own self in my own face and skin whatever it might be, if destroying my face and replacing it with that of an Indian race face and then destroying my face and skin altogether makes me ‘special’, then I do not want that special technology or special chemicals given to adulterate me. If hacking into my brain and using my brain, breath, face, nervous system, body through remote access technology bare as a ‘free show’ makes me ‘special’ then I do not want that special abusive technology because before publishing this online I made myself available to all possible Indian systems for exposure but they only destroyed and wasted me.

Q) Isn’t it strange, that in the Indian country that constantly markets and advertises its dear daughters as bahuranis and betis and dulhanias, you do not even have experience of marriage even till your 37th  year?

Ans) It is as strange and believable as not being given any Indian boy or man to prostitute with in India because the people trying to puppet me In India were not using me with care about me, they were using me with hate. When they didn't care about me in any healthy,personal way in childhood and teenage years, why would they care about me now. Instead, I have access to technology and with that I somehow survive. I can log on to video chat rooms and if there is no man willing for me, then I have happily bared all parts of my body to a video chat room for free in 2017 at age 36. Every other day and night of my life is still being used through remote access technology and I do not get to see the users, I get to hear some voices broadcast into my skull through their voice to skull technology?

Q) But you were given real physical contact in India eventually?

Ans) In my 29^th year in 2010 I was given overnight physical fuck at the film and institute of india in pune with an actor and it was a very bad, humiliating, painful experience but nevertheless it existed in my life. In the same year I was also given some love by another unknown stranger. After that only remote technology access exists in my life and access to the mobile phone and internet. But no marriage experience yet, so I do miss the experience of living and breathing with a man in the same space and room that I have not experienced yet because even the cities of Delhi and Bombay never directed me towards any physical life experiences the way they do to their own daughters or even their prostitutes. There is only so much that technology, long distance relationships can do for any human, I feel somewhere the human brain and body is too powerful to want to go beyond artificial technology use purely on the basis of human instinct that still exists.

Q) So, at least you have been kissed by now in 2010?

Ans) Yes I have been even if it was directed and not meant to be followed through in life. But there has to be some other reason for how I was used. Since the kiss scandal has been seeded into me since childhood there must be some other reasons for it, I was first made to lipkiss with my mother in primary childhood after that I sensed that somebody was string puppetting my lips in childhood to make kiss pouts out of my lips at home, now I realise it was being done through artificial intelligence remote access technology to make me a sex fuck puppet since childhood that I eventually did not do for work. So when I was kissed in 2010, it was not an experience that would lead me to any new life or care or love and it wasn't work. It was just something that was supposed to be done to me and then throw me back to the streets. Maybe I wasn’t even the woman who they wanted kissed and they were just using me for other peoples profits or there is some other back story to it. Since it was done at the ftii, , it could be a hangover of some pre partition film industry kiss,no kiss film prostitution acts. You should find out, since I am not part of the Indian film,tv business and other people made business out of it.

Q) Do you really feel that way, whatever occurs in your life, is eventually shown as some other woman?

Ans) Yes, I feel that way, whatever they did to me since childhood, they made me feel that whatever I am struggling with and succeeding with, will not be my qismat, it will be used and shown and will occur in some other woman’s life, a woman who they like and is their choice and it will become some other woman’s life story and destiny or even paid career.

Q) It could be some man too?

Ans) Yes, of course, men too can take over the identity and a struggle of a woman and sell a woman’s struggle and life as their own. Either way it is humiliating, whether another woman is required to replace me or some man, while I am still alive and available in all my physical being, heart, mind and soul. It is as humiliating as some one not liking my face, but in my case I think they did not like my vagina because they could replace my face with any of their own forced faces through their remote technology. And that is particularly humiliating for any woman, because it feels like they need another vagina to thrust their penis into instead of mine, so they should use those vaginas instead of using the other accompaniments my vagina comes with, such as my face, brain, breath, nervous system all of which they have looted away since childhood.

Q) So that means you don’t even like your face to be replaced by male faces through remote access technology?

Ans) No. it is misery for me. I am born a woman and I am happy in that, I do not like to be forced to be given any man’s face on mine through any remote access technology to destroy me especially there has been nobody leading or directing me through the misery that was given to me since childhood and has been forced on me for 3 decades now. I also do not like to be thrown in with transgenders since my choice remains to remain a woman as I was born and I do not wish for any sexual gender experiments to ever be forced on me.
Just as its humiliating that because I have a tall body brought up in a short country, so I should be forced to wear the face of a man through remote technology and then play man whereas my rights as a woman will be lived by other women. Its as humiliating as being told, for example, you play King whereas our women will be the queens and princesses. Neither do I want to be humiliated to be their King nor am I their queens or princesses because they have only given me hate and humiliation. It is as humiliating to know that some evil minds wanted my being woman severed so that they could promote other women or men using me. So, regardless of how I have been humiliated for my appearance, I would like to remain tall and not get my limbs shortened by any forced remote access technology which can do even that. This country India has intentionally hurt and violated the very core of me being born a woman.

Q) does it make you sad as a woman, your bad experiences in india?

Ans) yes, I wake up every morning feeling bad and wasted. Its a bad feeling knowing that in India I was not regarded as a woman whose life or career was to be made but as a woman who is supposed to be cut away,wasted,destroyed,looted to further the career or life of some other man or woman. Its a bad feeling realising my life and career have been destroyed in india by indians. Its like waking up to a nightmare and knowing the nightmare is real.

Q)  What are your suggestions for the bombay makers who looted your entire life and career?

Ans) Just as the gutter of Bombay openly promotes criminals,gangsters,drug abuse,prostitution,terrorism they should get professional pimps and professional prostitutes working their instead of looting innocent lives and careers like mine and then shoving all their money in film family prostitution who get crores to role play family brothel pimps and prostitutes.

Q) so, indians,especially from the 'gutter' city of bombay, destroyed you professionally to loot your life,career and destiny and live it as their own?

Ans) they were bad people and bad people do bad things. So instead of employing me professionally with professional work credit they raped and looted my struggle and credited professional career and working life and used it to run their own crotch business and that of their paid prostitutes and when they loot an entire lifetime of someone elses career years like mine they earn a lot of free money to invest more in their theft wdork and to throw around. 
Those are bad people from the indian gutter however much famous their name,however much work credit in their name and however much money in their bank. But professional destruction seems smaller when the entire brain,body,breath,face is destroyed strategically personally

Q) So the indian education institutions whose certificates you tore up also watched you being destroyed? 

Ans) they are indian institutes directed at indian people and are an incomplete experience for me where I was used and now their own parties run for their own people. Everything else was self study and self effort. Could they ever care to ever make me express any of this that I have been feeling in my brain since childhood? Education can happen anywhere, its the career and work life that really matters. A career can happen with or without education and education can become part of a working life but education without a career is an incomplete life. They used me, so did their indian systems that followed and then I was strategically destroyed and looted of my own efforts and struggle.

Q) So are you advertising proposals out through your online exposure?

Ans) I don’t log on to video chat rooms to market dulhanias or shaadis as some Indian businesses might be doing there, I logged on there to survive on a lonely day or night even while I am being used through remote access technology. My life has been used, wasted and destroyed for 37 years now and even if the Indian system did not give me a professional public space, I need to make some of these experiences known so that no other unwanted dna gets exploited the way my life was destroyed.

Q) So do you expect any marriage to happen in your life?

Ans) All I can say is that it is my right to live with a man, regardless of which technology exploited me for 3 decades, I still feel myself breathing as a human than somebody else’s machine especially because of some life experiences I directed myself towards. But I do not want any Indians because of the bad experiences of being destroyed in India and I do not want any people who already have spawned one or two children with anyone because those fulfilled lives will never understand the loneliness in which my life has been deliberately been destroyed and isolated since childhood. But then I do have a struggle in India and that is still untapped even if it got looted and stolen and sold as other people’s life and career. So I hope I get some life and paid work experience that uses all of that struggle along with me that is available not just in my heart, soul and brain but also on my computer, notebooks and videos. I wish I had some technical training or experience along with it, but instead of that there has been wastage and destruction in the years meant for my life and career. I haven’t still lived that life where someone either loves me or makes me part of their work, adding some new knowledge to my working life.

Q) But Indian life experiences must have made something out of you mentally and physically?

Q) Yes they have, they have made destruction. They have made a struggler since childhood for their own use as free source material. They have made a caged body that gets little life and movement and with a face that was destroyed by forcing other faces of males, females, maybe transgenders and with puss and scars and chemical induced facial hair and body that has been given fuck and kiss in 2010 and a body that has eventually made itself public and visible to online video chat rooms in 2017 and with zero earning in any bank. If there are any takers for it, I would like to know. If not, I would still like to be kept alive.

Q) So, obviously you feel like a violated woman?

Ans) I feel humiliated,destroyed,wasted, abused,looted and its no act or career, its just a strategic way in which my life has been played with since childhood and adulthood,looted,stolen and destroyed. There is neither any beginning to any professional career nor personal life. What was my destiny and hard work and struggle was looted and lived by others in india.
 What is more unfortunate is that despite being exploited since childhood I have been wasted as human resource instead of being professionalised with real interest and care. They could have got and looted a lot more from me than they already it. Just the way they could have even further looted any children that could have been born to me. So, its all their loss, not mine. But I feel, a woman who has been so strategically humiliated if gave forth any children of her own, even they would have been trained and puppeted to hate her or be humiliated and looted in the same or worse ways. 
The other fact is that there is so much emotional and other kinds of source material in me since childhood that it has never been made into professional work yet and a lot of it has been wasted away since childhood. I do not want to see any more destruction, I want it applied using me in some professional way.