Questions & Answers - Struggle and no career

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q) What does your 'life', or rather the absence of death look like these days?

Ans) My old parents have kept me in their home in Delhi since 2012 because nobody in India led me to a life where i could live in any home of my own. From here, I am remotely accessed through advanced technology that continues to 'play' with my face, brain, breath, nervous system. I cannot still see the people that access and use me, i get to hear them through voice to skull talk in my brain and feel all kinds of 'other people's brains and feelings modifying my own breath. Sometimes they mock and humiliate and provoke me, other times i curse them. And they continue to force their forced content of 'dreams' into my subconscious sleep state while running their own careers while using me like a corpse or cadaver for their remote access use.


Q) What is your routine here?

Ans) Being forced to get drowsy and sleep to waste away my day and night, that's how it started since 2012. My body is sometimes on the bed, sometimes on the floor, all within the same room. Occasionally i get to a local gym, or go for a swim or walk about in some park. I read books, I write very little on my computer now, the way i wrote for years. Sometimes i use a low cost camera bought online or a second hand video camera to make or cut a video. I shop online for necessities thanks to money given to me by my parents, because nobody else in India did. Sometimes i hear music over the net or by tuning into the radio content from Pakistan or anywhere else in the world.

I consume visuals and news online and a lot of it is about how India is murdering people in Kashmir. All of this activity of being kept within this room, gets accessed from within my brain and i am not told who uses it and how it gets used.  Other than this, i stuff blankets and pillows and bed covers between my thighs, orgasm to it and offer myself to whoever is accessing me through the remote access system with my body and brain imagining that this is the only marriage and career that exists in my life because no other does! 

Q)  But this is not how the people in India from Delhi and Bombay are living? If you watch Indian t.v Indians are enjoying a non-stop ongoing party?

Ans) I haven't watched Indian t.v for 20 years. There is no memory of Indian television of the last 20 years into my brain, There is no memory of any of their highly paid overexposed news journalists, television soaps, advertisements, their glittering loud party shows or any other Indian party tabloid content in my brain. I have been made to struggle since childhood in India but I am not part of that Indian party that parties over brightly lit events and outdoor activities or world travel. They never made me part of it.

Q) So what is that struggle of yours that you keep quoting about?

Ans) Its a struggle at various levels, of first of all struggling to just be whoever i am and live and work , a struggle that remains a struggle and never begins professionally or personally.
The first struggle is my being - the face and body which has been played with and accessed since childhood using me in innocence and ignorance, while exhausting me with misery for 3 decades now. That struggle was being used as free stage show and on stage activities for the army school where I was given a stage and a microphone while my family members were mocking and scolding me. Then i ignored my face and body and wanted to communicate through radio broadcast with next to nothing income. Occasionally with the permission of my parents i gave my body to Indian theatre groups that mostly wasted me or led to humiliating parts  on free show stage with no real direction to my life. Within my room i struggled and struggled to know what was happening to me and to see the world outside a room and made a struggle based on what i was consuming about India and the World, about various professional aspirations and all aspirations in general and i struggled to write anything on a piece of paper, in notebooks while promoting the printed material given to me the army school to edit.


Then there was an academic struggle, where i attended the army school of my parents choice and on the insistence of my parents my personal time was about dedicated study, otherwise the army school would have led me to a life of wastage and failure. On my parents insistence I studied science and also because i was curious about it. The academic struggle was about unit test after unit test, science subjects, board examinations, consuming no other life other than school textbooks while being caged within the room, Then competing for medical examinations despite all the other ways in which i was being used, competing and clearing for law education in India and giving it a pass, then studying journalism through which i wanted to consume news and work and make my amateur broadcasting experience professional, then competing and clearing media management through the CAT management examination, giving it a pass and eventually being caged within a room reading books and purchasing a consumer video camera. The academic struggle continues as I try to read books but what I miss is technical education despite merit and struggle which could have come through dedicated single minded school education, through broadcasting that uses science or even through film making that uses camera and other science, none of which exist professionally in my life.

Yet another struggle was with people, first of all those within the family I am born to, understanding their struggles and aspirations and struggling to know details of our selves culturally and in every way. Then struggling to know the people of India where I am brought up and the Indian education and Indian content I was made to consume since childhood, struggling to know people for professional aspirations of trying to build networks and eventually struggling to understand the people of the place our family comes from. 

Then there's all of a professional struggle, every word i wrote in textbooks or in my computers, every word i read in books or online, my professional choices of which professional networks i would like to make and struggling to make those networks, struggling to react to things that were happening to me, acting upon them and directing my own self to survival and leading my own self towards the answers i want. 

Then, there's the physical struggle where I am all alone, boarding auto rickshaws, buses, local trains and occasional low cost flights. Where I travelled between cities all alone, look for places to stay on my own, pack up my limited belongings, suitcases etc alone and set up whatever half rooms or one rooms i lived in and then survive there alone. 

Also, there's a struggle about finances, where I spent money on books to read but there still wasn't any money for any lifestyle or even for enough clothes to wear.

All of these struggles have been either wasted, destroyed or looted away by the Indian system.

Q) Amazing. Despite being used since childhood in 1980s and academically struggling from the 1990s till 2018, living within Delhi and then Bombay on your own merit you have no life or beginning or experience in either Indian theatre,radio,film,advertising,television science,broadcasting or any of the other well financed parties Indians have been enjoying for decades?

Ans) No. All I have is a struggle and being destroyed. Because I have been born into this trap and cage, where I am made to struggle and watched struggling and then whoever i go to for professional aspirations and beginnings is led into it to further their own careers and businesses and profile, to eat into my struggle and then negate or cut me out and then they know somebody else who they will make professionally and promote. The same thing happened in Delhi and the same system followed in Bombay.

Q) That means, a lot of people in Delhi and Bombay have made careers and work profiles and lived lives and businesses just negating and cutting you out of the way and then copying or looting the efforts of your struggle?

Ans) Yes, they have. Very openly. Just as openly as I have been accessed remotely by force. Just as openly as they have been watching me in misery, alone, being wasted, struggling and being destroyed. Just as openly they played with my face and then destroyed it with bacterial chemicals and other adulterated chemicals. 

Q) So, despite such mulitiple struggles,being used since childhood and offering yourself professionally since 2002 and even attending the film and tv institute of india, you were never made part of either indian film and tv? Your struggle and presence was just used and looted to add to and make other peoples careers?

Ans)Yes. The people and content of indian film and tv is like poison to me now. And I dont consume them now.  The only misery is my brain and internals are still being accessed by force from within this delhi room and its still done without giving me any career and looting my own miserable struggle.

Q) So, you are not travelling to Bombay now?

Ans) After i was directed away from Broadcasting aspirations by the Indian education system in 2001, and using the year long exchange programme In Melbourne awarded to me in 2001-2002 when i returned to India I took up work with Bollywood and i was 22 years old. In all these years, I have been given no professional beginning. They just wanted to keep watching me struggle with no beginning. Nobody made me their film writer or assistant director to share their technical film making skills. Nobody introduced me to their acting prostitution. I was isolated and whatever I struggled for alone, on my own and whatever I discovered within my struggle was openly copied and looted by the Indian system giving me no professional break or beginning. No film maker has ever shared their technical film making skills with me, Among new media subjects including new media and society and digital media cultures I only studied a Single Camera Video subject in Melbourne in 2001 and no other technical training.

Q) Then who has lived all these professions you have been aspiring for, who as lived the Author, Film-maker, acting prostitute or even broadcaster than you struggled to be?

Ans) Other people in India who are promoted heavily and paid heavily in life and work credit when they negate or cut me out of their way and then they are paid to copy out what I struggle and sell it as free source material as somebody else's career. 

Q) But you are the one who is making all these choices and networking and struggling?

Ans) When you know your entire life was conceived that you can be used as free source material to be used in as many way, then it doesn't come as a surprise. As a student even if they cannot deny you a place in their educational system where merit and hard work is on show, they can still murder your career and aspiration by physically destroying and not making you part of their professional lives. So, all of my life, brain, body existed only to be looted at source, through some advanced high technology system that still has free access to everything from my brain, to face to vagina to nervous system. But the careers, professions,lives are lived by other people.

Q) Will you go to Bombay now, if you were finally given a break in as an assistant director or scriptwriter?

Ans) NO. I contacted Bombay people since 2002 with these aspirations and its 2018 now. I never want to see Bombay city ever in my life again. Other than the air of the sea that my body had never experienced before the years of my life wasted has only given me bad experiences. 

Q) But Bombay city makes its professionals live lives of frequent travel including world travel, designer wear and huge pay packets and all sort of life, what did they show you instead?

Ans) They showed me the room to my own parents house. They showed me their slums, hostel and half rooms in their apartments. They showed me disease.They showed me my life and struggle being cut, copied and looted and their own careers and businesses and publicity profiles booming. They showed me how they could negate me, avoid me and make anybody else part of their work and careers. They showed me how highly paid and how low they really are. 

Q) So, they never even showed you any of glittering lavish bollywood extravangaza events either?

Ans) No. I have never been made part of any such event in my life. I don't know what it feels like. I know the struggle of networking and attending cinema hall based events if at all any, obviously all alone. All the music that i have experienced has come from my own experience of struggle or online.

Q) And they obviously didn't show you any travel either?

Ans) I travelled to be in Bombay on my own, it was my own struggle. The Indian system had given me a flight ticket to Melbourne when i really wanted to travel to Kashmir with journalism instead and a week long experience travelling to Lahore, Pakistan. Other than that no Indian system ever gave me any travel to anywhere. They watched me struggle alone in public transport systems in Bombay just the way they had in Delhi. So, I have no experience of travelling within Indian cities neither do i have any experience of travelling anywhere in Europe or America or the Middle East. 

Q) If the Indian system had made you part of their booming commercial news industry instead of rejecting your applications, how different would your life have been?

Ans) Instead of being caged within rooms for 3 decades i could be professionally kept within any of their Indian newsrooms and my life could have been a professional career. And all the books that I ever read could have been read within their newsroom and they could have conversed with me professionally and exercised my brain in a professional way. All my science education and merit could have been professionally channelized. They could have made me travel within India with them and to Kashmir as i was curious about. My limbs were still young and fresh and unused in 2001. Now my limbs really feel wasted and miss experiencing the outdoors. It really has nothing to do with the name or face. Maybe they could have even made me travel abroad and counted many more flight tickets than the one that the Indian college gave me. I have no such experience! 

Q)So, despite wanting to travel to Kashmir since 1998 no Indian newsroom, army, or Indian film made you travel there?

Ans) No. It would have been very easy for them. I networked, consumed information online and travelled alone. Because watching me alone in misery is their pleasure. If some news room security or film unit would have been there for me,it would have happened within year 2000. Maybe i could have even travelled to Azad Kashmir with them as i aspire to. So, which ever Indian news business or Indian film, tv shop went to Kashmir with their business, none of them ever took me along. 

Q) But other than any technical science based skill you do have one year training in scriptwriting from India?

Ans) Anybody can get writing training or get no writing training at all, sit caged within a room and write. The struggle isn't about the writing training, it's about being signed to write a script commercially and if all of my life, brain, thought is already accessed through advanced high technology, and everything I write into my computer is already accessed through my eyes and brain and even my computer is hacked into and my computer hard disk is stolen, there was no need for any of the Indians i met to 'sign' me for any work anymore, all of my struggle is looted at source for free of course.

Q) So other than the film scripts you wrote on your computer that nobody made, you are not writing any more film scripts on your computer anymore?

Ans) The advanced technology assault on my brain since 2012 within this room has taken away the writing discipline with which I lived within my computer. Somebody else has lived and made the films, scripts, writing i was supposed to make. They heckle me into my brain, i can barely manage to read. I don't write much. Who should I write for now in India? The directors and film family eggs of Bombay? The people who watched me being wasted and destroyed, negating the very fact that my own life, face, being, body is being played with since childhood? Those who never bothered to know from me any of the misery i have been expressing online, leave alone, treat it through their creativity? 

Q) So, really haven't been given any financial beginning or professional break in ever?

Ans) As it turns out, all my struggle was internally scammed to be 'hobby based', 'amateur' aspiration so that I never get made in professionally or commercially within their Indian system whereas i continue to be accessed and used through remote access as free source material. How much they could have invested professionally, commercially in me, if they would have engaged with my brain professionally and all that they could have shown to my set of eyes that they have remotely accessed and hacked into since childhood. It's really their own loss in trying to waste and destroy me. 

Q) What would have been an ideal financial aspiration? And why would you have needed those finances?

Ans) I struggled and I still struggle. It's upto their system how they rate and value my life financially. Even as as child, being used for free for the army school stage or any other Indian theatre stage was a struggle, 150 rupees for radio work was a struggle, so even 5,000,10,000,15,000 rupees a month is a salaried struggle. They employ people and give them careers, its upto them how they use them, they pay lakhs or crores to anybody working with them for a few weeks or pay 5,000 rupees a month to somebody like me made available to them. But if they kept using me for free or paying me 5,10,15 thousand rupees a month as the Indian experience has been, what money would I have earned to bring to my parents, or to aspire to secure a home or build a home or to live and travel freely or to invest in any technical training? ever money is given to me, I have lived within that. So, instead of material returns I have had to give my own self and time to my parents who have been there in my struggle.

Q) Was aspiring for Indian political service your aspiration?

Ans) I am happy I have no such aspiration now since I am so used to be looted, wasted and destroyed in India. When every other aspiration of mine was being systematically destroyed in India, I noticed my journalism broadcasting aspiration in Delhi had already been politically directed in 2000. And when I was in Bombay struggling, political developments were both securing and chasing me, for example when i lived in the working women's hostel in Bombay in 2007, It's owner Pratibha Patil was appointed the first woman President of India. And eventually a theatre group in Bombay where i spent a few months and danced was also politically affiliated. Growing up in a civil government area in New Delhi because of my parents efforts and all these political influences was becoming a mountain for me.  So, when after good and bad experiences my parents wanted me to be located in Delhi again with them in 2011 I thought that if every other aspiration is being wasted and none of the Indian systems are making me part of them professionally, maybe they would want me to serve them in Delhi for a few years and finally some professional life could begin in any way instead of being wasted. I was open to it in just as I was open to a struggle in India and that all of that struggle could be used somewhere constructively. I also thought maybe It's here in Delhi where i can show some new life to my parents in Delhi the way they showed me their efforts and struggles in Delhi. But instead what was done to me within the Delhi home through a remote access system and other ways i was 'played with' since 2012 to now, how much an internal system in India was hating me, and how they wanted me destroyed in every way and my innocent aspirations of struggling and working in India was nothing but mock and humiliation to be yet another struggle that would be openly looted and copied to market some other career service professional that India wanted to sell, who is their own and how the never considered me their own. The remote access system began fully assaulting me from within this room whereas an external system began 'playing with me' to feed me adulterated chemicals while they ran other careers openly on every aspiration of mine in India. Now just as I want the pimps of Bombay to stick to the people whose careers and lives they made professionally which was never me, the same way I want the power circles of India's media and politics to converse with, party with and consume only the people whose careers they professionally made in New Delhi which wasn't me, I am not theirs, I don't get invited to any of their New Delhi events, it's their loss, not mine. Now I trust neither the Indian army nor Indian politicians, neither any content of indian film nor indian tv. Following any lead given by any of these Indian systems only leads to poison and destruction in my life.

Q) At your age, not just in India but anywhere, women have at least 10-15 years of married life experiences or at least 15 years of professional life experiences, don't you feel your life has been led to being way behind those normal lives?

Ans) Those are probably women that have been loved and cared for and maybe they have some other struggle. I have been born in a cage surrounded by enemies and led towards enemies where my life has been about being accessed,abused,mocked,wasted, destroyed,humiliated. 

Q) So at age 37 with no professional or personal life, what do you take back with you?

Ans) Only struggle with a beginning yet to be made. They can destroy a face like they destroyed mine, but they should not try to copy or destroy a struggle anymore because a struggle shows up in some other form. It's like air. I have been brought up to breathe it. 

Facebook Status updates video about Kashmir

This Year 2018, I wanted to travel alone to Kashmir again to collect some flowers and maybe videograph them, instead Indian atrocities created another blood soaked year of death,blood spill,killing and sadness In Kashmir so that even consuming News from Kashmir online in Delhi is about death,sadness,killing,grief.

Video made from Facebook Status updates, uploaded only on Facebook

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS - TABLOID & SERIOUS, ADULT & PERSONAL

ADULT & PERSONAL

Q) Why do you keep stressing about your age?

Ans) Because the age to be humiliated full time about my age has already begun, within my home especially where I have been humiliated in every other way since birth because of our struggles and frustrations. But I am happy that I have been kept alive till this age. First it was humiliation about my face that was under remote access technology play, then my body, then my destroyed career years and now it will be about my age along with all the above.

Q) Why is it so bitter for you to keep quoting your age every day?

Ans) Because when I was younger I had hopes and aspirations that I wished would be fulfilled in my life at a certain age and for every human it is necessary to get some basic life experiences till a certain age. In my case, there have been interruptions and disruptions, bad experiences and certain things about how I have been used which are still not revealed to me. But yet there have been other ‘special’ experiences that maybe not everyone lives.

Q) Are you still affected by the hate,mock,humiliation,insult given to you by your family members?

Ans) They are conditioned to hate,mock,humiliate me since my birth and childhood and that will never end because of their own frustrations but more than that it is the users,internal watchers,employers etc and all those who kept watching me struggle and destroyed and either used me for free or avoided me to use my struggle to set up other peoples lives and careers. All those who could have given me any new life to live but kept me caged in the same set of poisons so that I could used and looted at source, destroyed and wasted into 'nothing'

Q) The few video clips that you uploaded from your phone in which you wear different faces, is that meant to be an acting piece?

Ans) No. It is just a few clips that happened because a rare holiday trip happened this winter after I consumed some live snow visuals online on snapchat and other internet sites and I needed to make those phone clips I made after it public and I realized it is only the first time that I ever experienced something as simple as snowfall, nobody ever bothered to take me through such an experience even till 37 years so I did it for my own self and for all those people whose visuals I consumed online and loved online on chat sites. As for the ‘face’, that acting piece has been imposed on me since childhood and all I can say is that all that technology has been wasted and never noticed or used by an Indian while my years have been wasted and destroyed in India.

Q)Isn’t that also because your face and skin was destroyed?

Ans) that happened between ages 20 and 32 when I was just ready to embark on a professional career and mostly during my years in Bombay while I wanted to live a work and career that could have been based on using my face or a career that never needed my face used or visible. But I felt that the 20 years of growing up in Delhi were also wasted years.

Q) because you were being scolded since childhood instead of being given your own voice?

Ans) the scolding, humiliation and mock started since childhood and still continues by my family members but more than that it is the sadness in living with people who cannot recognize that a child brain may not know how to communicate yet but it may possess certain understanding about its own self which if rejected at source can scar the child deeply for life. So ever since childhood I have been trying to look for ways to communicate when in I was felt my life was being made into something that wasn’t me. But more than that, I feel sorry for them that sometimes humans keep looking for external happiness and they cannot see the miracles that have been made visible within their own home, they keep scolding a child when they couldn’t even tell that an additional technology was trying to add something to the child’s face and life. They are so busy saving whatever they earn with their struggle and hard work on that they cannot even fathom the worth invested in any of their own children kept under their roof.

Q) Did you ever tell them that your face was being ‘played with’ through technology?

Ans) I don’t tell such things to anybody, especially where there is no constructive communication so I have never ‘told’ anybody anything anywhere, because no one has ever bothered to tell me anything about how I have been used internally since childhood. Instead, I look for ways to communicate and I look for work and if i get wasted or destroyed in that, it is their loss. I made my professional aspirations clear about living some working life, I made my academic interests clear, I wanted some basic education instead of being completely wasted and destroyed and I wanted to investigate so I have made myself visible despite my skin being destroyed and wrecked in the most public of all places in India

Q) So why are you revealing it now?

Ans) Because it makes an interesting interview for my own online blog space and because of the way I have had to rely on online communication so much that this space deserves to be the place that knows the hell I have been enduring, which could always be better than it is or be worse than it is. Also, it’s laughable and entertaining for me that let alone the ignorant people of Delhi including my family, even the so called professionals of Bombay in so many years couldn’t tell how my face was being played with through i.t. Bombay based photographers, Directors, professionals could only manage to see the pits, scars, puss, hair on my non-beauty parloured face but did not have the eyes to see how my face was being played through technology to reflect various other faces so I was not surprised that they wasted me and saw me destroyed further instead of participating in any of the technology ‘magic’.

So all my photographs of my face reflecting various faces are selfies from my own phone because no one bothered to know whether I am dead or alive. Now as the phone camera quality improves, so does the quality of my face selfies, it gives me some happiness when the phone camera corrects the face forced on my own face through the remote access i.t technology and clears out the skin destroyed by bacterial infection given to me, it reinstates my confidence in my own self that evil enemies tried so hard to destroy.

Q) You really do still love your own self?

Ans) Yes. That’s how I am alive, otherwise being initiated into being accessed through remote access technology since childhood with somebody else’s face forced on my face, my own breath and brain being looted while that happened and being hated and humiliated and mocked by simple and ignorant family members and the bad experiences I have endured in India including my skin and face being destroyed and being wasted and destroyed away and my entire life struggle stolen is like living a nightmare each day of my life and knowing the next morning that I am still alive and that they haven’t murdered me yet.

Q) So how does loving your own self heal you out of it?

Ans) It doesn’t. Otherwise my life would not look like this at year 37 but it does give me a parallel world to breathe in which is of my own making. But it started really early, when I used to feel isolated, abandoned and unwanted and didn’t know the details of how my face, brain, breath was being remotely accessed and played or toyed with, I only knew what I was made to do externally within the army school stage and my own effort and hard work at study.

Q) So what is the parallel world of your making?

Ans) There are infinite parallel worlds of my making, one among them is where I love inanimate objects that neither humiliate or mock me nor give me any hateful jealous taunts. It takes me away from the world of hate and fear while I am kept caged within a room or house. So I like loving chairs, tables, bedsides made of wood since childhood and I like loving soft skin blankets and pillow throws and bedsheets.

Q) What does it mean, loving these?

Ans) It means, with the lack of any loving human contact I invested my youth and life in making love to these objects and I do wish I had a real life apart from these but till I don’t I still live within my own infinite parallel worlds. As a child I was never allowed to live as per my instinct even though the army school had freedom to use me whichever way they wanted and I had to obey them and after that my life was strategically destroyed in India.

Q) But since you were brought into stage show by the army school in primary school itself isn’t it strange that Indians never gave you any human experience along with it?

Ans) They were using me since my brain was childlike and innocent and yes it is strange that while acting is an extension of prostitution in India, no body in India ever gave me any of their boys or men to prostitute along with that could have led me to the basics of human life. But maybe that’s because the game I have been prostituted with is different,since all of my brain,breath,face,eyes have been under remote access technology on the 'inside' of which no details have been given to me, so maybe the prostitution is at the very source of my being alive since my childhood where all of my brain,face has been used alongside by people unknown to me.

Q) Which means every time you are bare since childhood or even make love to those inanimate objects, there has been somebody else participating in it along with you since your childhood through remote access technology?

Ans) maybe, it is for them to tell me the truth. And the truth must be told. So, if somebody else has been fucking me since childhood while I fucked inanimate objects it is for them to tell the truth. I have already made myself available for life and exposure in multiple cities since childhood and if they decided to waste and destroy me, its their hate and it's their loss.

Q) It is disturbing, since you are 37 years now and you are still being watched on the 'inside'?

Ans) Maybe the watchers have changed. Ever since I have been on my own, whether for a year in Melbourne which wasn’t my own choice or in Pune or Bombay or back in Delhi it feels less disturbing than when I was a child in misery growing up in the civil government area in Delhi where my parents hardwork and service brought me up. 

That age was a different prison, it was a prison where ignorance about the systems that made this inhuman world was greater and I wanted to study about it.

Q) But Indians who grew up in Delhi and Bombay, especially girls and women live rather settled lives, doesn’t your disturbing life stick out like a sore thumb or unwanted birth?

Ans) It does, India makes a show of it as well, how they groom their daughters, wives and sisters in their ‘urban’ metropolitan cities of Delhi and Bombay, how much they care for their own womenfolk regardless of appearances because they are made of their own dna and appearance. 

 The real life show that might have ‘greenlit’ me for instead since my brain, face,body, vagina was still childlike and fresh in childhood is possibly a show of destruction of an unwanted female of a dna that they do not want should live and breathe even in its own face and skin. Because that is what they are internally watching me as and they might have watched and enjoyed to see me destroyed away as a woman for decades now.

Q) So, they didn’t even regard you as a woman worth of being directed towards any of their men?

Ans) Leave alone, being a woman I am not sure that those controllers and work givers of India even regarded me as a human at all, because they have never led me towards human life experiences, they have wasted the investment of remote access technology in me and continue to watch me through remote access seeing my body caged within a delhi home room of my parents for the last 7 years only because they knew I was kept within the civil area in delhi for years altogether.

Q) Your relatives and family do not care as well?

Ans) No they do not. They are still paying for my survival, nobody else did so they do not have to give any more care. Everybody else just looted my struggle off as free source material. But they have their own struggles and frustrations so I do not expect anybody to care. This is not about being a 10 year unwanted female who is still unwanted this is about year 37.

Q) But maybe remote access technology was added to your life since childhood to make you feel special?

Ans) I am already born special as my own self in my own face and skin whatever it might be, if destroying my face and replacing it with that of an Indian race face and then destroying my face and skin altogether makes me ‘special’, then I do not want that special technology or special chemicals given to adulterate me. If hacking into my brain and using my brain, breath, face, nervous system, body through remote access technology bare as a ‘free show’ makes me ‘special’ then I do not want that special abusive technology because before publishing this online I made myself available to all possible Indian systems for exposure but they only destroyed and wasted me.

Q) Isn’t it strange, that in the Indian country that constantly markets and advertises its dear daughters as bahuranis and betis and dulhanias, you do not even have experience of marriage even till your 37th  year?

Ans) It is as strange and believable as not being given any Indian boy or man to prostitute with in India because the people trying to puppet me In India were not using me with care about me, they were using me with hate. When they didn't care about me in any healthy,personal way in childhood and teenage years, why would they care about me now. Instead, I have access to technology and with that I somehow survive. I can log on to video chat rooms and if there is no man willing for me, then I have happily bared all parts of my body to a video chat room for free in 2017 at age 36. Every other day and night of my life is still being used through remote access technology and I do not get to see the users, I get to hear some voices broadcast into my skull through their voice to skull technology?

Q) But you were given real physical contact in India eventually?

Ans) In my 29^th year in 2010 I was given overnight physical fuck at the film and institute of india in pune with an actor and it was a very bad, humiliating, painful experience but nevertheless it existed in my life. In the same year I was also given some love by another unknown stranger. After that only remote technology access exists in my life and access to the mobile phone and internet. But no marriage experience yet, so I do miss the experience of living and breathing with a man in the same space and room that I have not experienced yet because even the cities of Delhi and Bombay never directed me towards any physical life experiences the way they do to their own daughters or even their prostitutes. There is only so much that technology, long distance relationships can do for any human, I feel somewhere the human brain and body is too powerful to want to go beyond artificial technology use purely on the basis of human instinct that still exists.

Q) So, at least you have been kissed by now in 2010?

Ans) Yes I have been even if it was directed and not meant to be followed through in life. But there has to be some other reason for how I was used. Since the kiss scandal has been seeded into me since childhood there must be some other reasons for it, I was first made to lipkiss with my mother in primary childhood after that I sensed that somebody was string puppetting my lips in childhood to make kiss pouts out of my lips at home, now I realise it was being done through artificial intelligence remote access technology to make me a sex fuck puppet since childhood that I eventually did not do for work. So when I was kissed in 2010, it was not an experience that would lead me to any new life or care or love and it wasn't work. It was just something that was supposed to be done to me and then throw me back to the streets. Maybe I wasn’t even the woman who they wanted kissed and they were just using me for other peoples profits or there is some other back story to it. Since it was done at the ftii, , it could be a hangover of some pre partition film industry kiss,no kiss film prostitution acts. You should find out, since I am not part of the Indian film,tv business and other people made business out of it.

Q) Do you really feel that way, whatever occurs in your life, is eventually shown as some other woman?

Ans) Yes, I feel that way, whatever they did to me since childhood, they made me feel that whatever I am struggling with and succeeding with, will not be my qismat, it will be used and shown and will occur in some other woman’s life, a woman who they like and is their choice and it will become some other woman’s life story and destiny or even paid career.

Q) It could be some man too?

Ans) Yes, of course, men too can take over the identity and a struggle of a woman and sell a woman’s struggle and life as their own. Either way it is humiliating, whether another woman is required to replace me or some man, while I am still alive and available in all my physical being, heart, mind and soul. It is as humiliating as some one not liking my face, but in my case I think they did not like my vagina because they could replace my face with any of their own forced faces through their remote technology. And that is particularly humiliating for any woman, because it feels like they need another vagina to thrust their penis into instead of mine, so they should use those vaginas instead of using the other accompaniments my vagina comes with, such as my face, brain, breath, nervous system all of which they have looted away since childhood.

Q) So that means you don’t even like your face to be replaced by male faces through remote access technology?

Ans) No. it is misery for me. I am born a woman and I am happy in that, I do not like to be forced to be given any man’s face on mine through any remote access technology to destroy me especially there has been nobody leading or directing me through the misery that was given to me since childhood and has been forced on me for 3 decades now. I also do not like to be thrown in with transgenders since my choice remains to remain a woman as I was born and I do not wish for any sexual gender experiments to ever be forced on me.
Just as its humiliating that because I have a tall body brought up in a short country, so I should be forced to wear the face of a man through remote technology and then play man whereas my rights as a woman will be lived by other women. Its as humiliating as being told, for example, you play King whereas our women will be the queens and princesses. Neither do I want to be humiliated to be their King nor am I their queens or princesses because they have only given me hate and humiliation. It is as humiliating to know that some evil minds wanted my being woman severed so that they could promote other women or men using me. So, regardless of how I have been humiliated for my appearance, I would like to remain tall and not get my limbs shortened by any forced remote access technology which can do even that. This country India has intentionally hurt and violated the very core of me being born a woman.

Q) does it make you sad as a woman, your bad experiences in india?

Ans) yes, I wake up every morning feeling bad and wasted. Its a bad feeling knowing that in India I was not regarded as a woman whose life or career was to be made but as a woman who is supposed to be cut away,wasted,destroyed,looted to further the career or life of some other man or woman. Its a bad feeling realising my life and career have been destroyed in india by indians. Its like waking up to a nightmare and knowing the nightmare is real.

Q)  What are your suggestions for the bombay makers who looted your entire life and career?

Ans) Just as the gutter of Bombay openly promotes criminals,gangsters,drug abuse,prostitution,terrorism they should get professional pimps and professional prostitutes working their instead of looting innocent lives and careers like mine and then shoving all their money in film family prostitution who get crores to role play family brothel pimps and prostitutes.

Q) so, indians,especially from the 'gutter' city of bombay, destroyed you professionally to loot your life,career and destiny and live it as their own?

Ans) they were bad people and bad people do bad things. So instead of employing me professionally with professional work credit they raped and looted my struggle and credited professional career and working life and used it to run their own crotch business and that of their paid prostitutes and when they loot an entire lifetime of someone elses career years like mine they earn a lot of free money to invest more in their theft wdork and to throw around. 
Those are bad people from the indian gutter however much famous their name,however much work credit in their name and however much money in their bank. But professional destruction seems smaller when the entire brain,body,breath,face is destroyed strategically personally

Q) So the indian education institutions whose certificates you tore up also watched you being destroyed? 

Ans) they are indian institutes directed at indian people and are an incomplete experience for me where I was used and now their own parties run for their own people. Everything else was self study and self effort. Could they ever care to ever make me express any of this that I have been feeling in my brain since childhood? Education can happen anywhere, its the career and work life that really matters. A career can happen with or without education and education can become part of a working life but education without a career is an incomplete life. They used me, so did their indian systems that followed and then I was strategically destroyed and looted of my own efforts and struggle.

Q) So are you advertising proposals out through your online exposure?

Ans) I don’t log on to video chat rooms to market dulhanias or shaadis as some Indian businesses might be doing there, I logged on there to survive on a lonely day or night even while I am being used through remote access technology. My life has been used, wasted and destroyed for 37 years now and even if the Indian system did not give me a professional public space, I need to make some of these experiences known so that no other unwanted dna gets exploited the way my life was destroyed.

Q) So do you expect any marriage to happen in your life?

Ans) All I can say is that it is my right to live with a man, regardless of which technology exploited me for 3 decades, I still feel myself breathing as a human than somebody else’s machine especially because of some life experiences I directed myself towards. But I do not want any Indians because of the bad experiences of being destroyed in India and I do not want any people who already have spawned one or two children with anyone because those fulfilled lives will never understand the loneliness in which my life has been deliberately been destroyed and isolated since childhood. But then I do have a struggle in India and that is still untapped even if it got looted and stolen and sold as other people’s life and career. So I hope I get some life and paid work experience that uses all of that struggle along with me that is available not just in my heart, soul and brain but also on my computer, notebooks and videos. I wish I had some technical training or experience along with it, but instead of that there has been wastage and destruction in the years meant for my life and career. I haven’t still lived that life where someone either loves me or makes me part of their work, adding some new knowledge to my working life.

Q) But Indian life experiences must have made something out of you mentally and physically?

Q) Yes they have, they have made destruction. They have made a struggler since childhood for their own use as free source material. They have made a caged body that gets little life and movement and with a face that was destroyed by forcing other faces of males, females, maybe transgenders and with puss and scars and chemical induced facial hair and body that has been given fuck and kiss in 2010 and a body that has eventually made itself public and visible to online video chat rooms in 2017 and with zero earning in any bank. If there are any takers for it, I would like to know. If not, I would still like to be kept alive.

Q) So, obviously you feel like a violated woman?

Ans) I feel humiliated,destroyed,wasted, abused,looted and its no act or career, its just a strategic way in which my life has been played with since childhood and adulthood,looted,stolen and destroyed. There is neither any beginning to any professional career nor personal life. What was my destiny and hard work and struggle was looted and lived by others in india.
 What is more unfortunate is that despite being exploited since childhood I have been wasted as human resource instead of being professionalised with real interest and care. They could have got and looted a lot more from me than they already it. Just the way they could have even further looted any children that could have been born to me. So, its all their loss, not mine. But I feel, a woman who has been so strategically humiliated if gave forth any children of her own, even they would have been trained and puppeted to hate her or be humiliated and looted in the same or worse ways. 
The other fact is that there is so much emotional and other kinds of source material in me since childhood that it has never been made into professional work yet and a lot of it has been wasted away since childhood. I do not want to see any more destruction, I want it applied using me in some professional way.