POETRY

I HAVE WRITTEN SO LITTLE POETRY IN LIFE, BECAUSE ALL OF MY BEING WAS BEING EXHAUSTED BY BEING A LIVE PUPPET TO BE PLAYED WITH AND MODIFIED AND CONTROLLED THROUGH SOME ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY SINCE I WAS A CHILD, IN BEING A CONSUMER AND IN EXAMINATIONS AND STUDY OF ALL KIND AND IN STUDYING SCIENCE BUT WHENEVER POETRY CAME FROM ME IT LEFT ME IN PAIN. SO I NEVER EXPRESSED TOO MUCH OF IT.

JUST MAKING PUBLIC SOME OF IT THAT I WROTE AT AGE 20-21 AT MY MELBOURNE DESK 😛
(POETRY EARLIER THAN THAT IS JUST IGNORANT CHILDHOOD AND LATER THAN THAT IS A MORE EXPERIENCED AND CRAFTED EXPRESSION. SOME TIME WILL SHARE THAT TOO)

My hands and feet are frozen, my spine is shivering,

My heart is molten lead is it?

They say this is an act

I know it’s me.

There’s the devil somewhere within me

I can almost hear it cheer

The mind is a matrix of wavering thought

I know death is near

I bite my nails till I feel the flesh.

The pain, it should have felt?

It’s a phase I know, I always do

But I can’t trust my thoughts today.

I was never a poet

I never will be

Just rarely I’ll experience this ecstasy.

No drinks, no drugs, no lights for me.

It’s just the mind that reaches a high

(2001)

U think I am smiling

Just because you don’t see me when I am glum

Do u think I am smiling

I am crushed under the guilt of having to lead a safe life

The smile is the image, but the lips are numb.

So, you really think I am smiling

I am tortured by my thoughts every minute of isolation, silence

U think I am smiling

I am suppressing the haunting whispers of my brain

U think I am smiling

I am telling my body not to vacillate like my thoughts

U think I am smiling

I am hoping for a better world

…u think I am smiling

because I smile

I smile,  because I can.

U think I am smiling

If that makes you smile too

I am happy smiling

And I hope you are happy too.

(24^th april 2002)

Strong

Give me Strength that I need
Give me Strength to succeed
Give me Strength from within
Give me Strength to live in
In a world that wasn't made for me
But, why must I think so?
If I deserve a reward, why must I forego?
if its  values and fear.
Give me the Strength to go near.
And ask what I may
The Strength to hear and say.
Some more to listen and speak.
I am strong, I am not weak.

(late march 2002)

Applause

Don’t ever get high on the drink of success

It quenches you at first, but thirsts ever since

Applause is resonant only in the hall

It’ll soar your spirits, but eventually you’ll fall

CONTROL

Can I live in both spaces

Chaos and control?

With a fearless mind

And a contented soul?

To experience no anguish

And cause no pain?

I live from the heart

Does it all go in vain?