SHOULDERS

NOSE

BRAIN

FACE

DIALOGUE-GING with INDIA in the INDIAN LANGUAGE OF HATE

DO NOT READ THIS PAGE IF YOU DO NOT WANT INDIAN DIALOGUE POISON TO REACH YOUR EYES, BRAIN OR LIPS,

So, the Indian film brothel 'Bollywood'(while they must be shoving publicity cameras and foreign currency into their genitals as they monkey-dance or filth monkey direct worldwide for money) where I was since age 22 never made me part of any of their credited creative work in any capacity so I have no Indian film or television credit, instead they looted me of all of my being and struggle to further filth media publicity for their own selves and their businesses and work career.

So many things that they added to their 'characters' 'situations' filth cinema and media personas could not come from their own indian monkey brains, so they raped mine and used my own being and brain as free source material to further the filth they sell from their daddy,grand-daddy inherited film production companies and pocketed media publicity in their own name instead on filth indian media and paid news channels.

I don't have any media persona in India or any life or career in India, film,tv or anywhere else and if somebody were to destroy my online presence as well then i wouldn't exist at all.

But on my insistence, the Indian film and tv institute did allow me for a year as a student of their scriptwriting, quite a fair trade off for all the filth Indian content in terms of Indian film and television that i consumed since birth for a certain number of years that had accumulated as Indian junk in my brain to keep me nothing more than rotten. Yes of course in the Indian film brothel bollywood they pay their Indian filth makers to write and sell junk,not me of course but that’s how they poison future generations when they aren’t busy being paid to make their male female acting prostitutes flash their genitals in the name of cinema and music to reach out to their children, So I’ll give you filth dialogue for free the way your Indians looted my career struggle for free. After all it was Indians who wanted to 'direct' me to destroy my own speech and speak their Language of abusive filth.  If their Indian penis had given me some other direction, i would have probably returned them some other memory. They can use it to further their MAKE IN INDIA,HATE IN INDIA BUSINESS PLAN to loot their own Indian people.

So, today i am just giving away some filth dialogue for their Filth Hindi film brothel industry that they can continue to loot and steal, on the basis of what their filth country did with me while they looted all of my being and some filth content their I.T system forced into my brain the last few years after their Indian system had enjoyed destroying and looting me. Hate was never programmed in Me, but thank you India you taught me the word 'HATE, so i hate you more than you hated me.

So I don't use any I.T system to force myself into anybody's brain the way they broke into mine since childhood but I don’t need to do that to return them back their speech.

But since I do not consume any Indian content any more I do not know if their film brothel prostitution bollywood business ever uses or markets this Indian speech that their Indians dialogue in.

“Isko muft mein chhodenge, ise bachpan se chodda gaya hai i.t system se, iske bachpan ko bacche ka nahin samjhna, prostitute hai yeh”

“Isko gaali nahin denge, iski gaali karenge, is se maa baap chudwainge, is se behne chudvayenge”

I.T lagake iske gore chehhre pe itni kaali hubshi bhainso ka chehra lagayen hain, koi aur toh kya yeh khud bhi kabhi apne aap ko na pehchaan paaye. Yeh to bachpan se hi kiya hai ispe”.

“Artiste nahin hai yeh, artiste hum apni betiyon ko dikhayenge, ise prostitute dikhana hai”

“iska chehra alag alag i.t chehron se badalna to kya, iska chehra poora hi kharaab karde, aise motte motte phodde de deke phhod ise bacterial chemical se, ke unko phhod phhod ke poori umar yaad kare yeh ke iska chehra india mein hai”

“dekh to ise bachpan se nanga rahein hai, kharaab hote, par aise doosron ke liye nanga nahin karenge,  paise deke nanga nahin karenge, isse muft mein chhodenge”

“Isse chodd ke hatta, phir dekh kaise isse hatane ke liye bhi film star ya artiste diya jaata hai tujhe dhande ke liye”

“Ise kyun kapde dein hum, hum apni betiyon ko denge, isse aisi hi andar se nanga dekhenge, nanga karenge”

“Isse aise nanga nahin karenge, bani nahin na kisi ki dulhania ya bahurani nahin to kisi doosre ke ghar mein isse nanga karte,tab maza aata,accha mazaak banta, bechte hum. Phir issi ke ghar mein nanga karwayenge”

“Agar bahurani,dulhania banva ke nahin chudva sakte isse, toh aise hi chodd daal ise, isko nanga karke peeche lunnd ghusedke chudva isse. Aise chudva isse, poori duniya mein mazaak bechenge iska.”

“yeh nahin chahiye humein, ise sirf nanga karke lootna hai, humein doosri auratein denge, abhi isse zinda rakhenge, isse muft mein choos choos ke maarenge” 

"Isko aur kuch nahin dena, isse sirf nikaalna hai. Jahan bhi ho wahan se nikalenge. Dilli se nikalenge, Bambai se nikalenge, Kashmir bhi chali gayi to wahan se nikalenge, kisi aur desh mein hogi to wahan se nikalenge, ghar se nikalenge, kamre se nikalenge. Jahan bhi hogi yeh wahan se nikalenge."

“Isko ladki ya aurat samajh hi nahin, isse ladka ya aadmi samajh ke chhod isse, aasani se chodda jayega” Ladkiyan aur auratein hum apni banayenge.

“Isse kyun dein, paisa hum, paisa hum apni Indians ko denge,

isse nanga rakhke muft mein barbaad karenge.”

“Iska kyun career banvayen hum, isse sirf lootenge, banayenge hum apne Indian logon ka career”

“Isko muft ki rand banake anti auntiyon mein bechna hain, wahan isse chodd ke mausi chi gaand dikhayenge”

“Isse thode lena hai humein film,tv, politics mein, isse muft mein chhod ke iska sab kuch hum apni Indians ke career mein dikhayenge. Iska career nahin banana, humein isse muft istemaal karke apne Indians ke career bechne hain.”

"Isse aur kuch nahin denge hum, career nahin denge isse, isse bas moot(semen) bhej bhej ke, iske khaane mein moot mila mila ke apni lundein is se chusvayeinge. Ek baar moot nahin bhejenge isko, baar baar bhejenge, 15-16 baar moot khaane mein milvake i.t se pet saaf karenge iska."

''Iska kela kar ke rakh. Isko akela hi jaate aur marte dekh india ki sadkon pe. Koi saath nahin jaayega iske kabhi. Isko india mein kela karke maarenge."

"iske chaand jaise face ko Saand banayenge. Koi Chand nahin rahega india mein". 

"iska face to bachpan se phhod diya, iske baal katva kar isko aadmi dikha kar, iski jeans utar kar, iske picchvade me penis ghusedkar anal fuck denge indian aurate ghusdne ke liye."

"Ise ghusne thodde diya bombay, yeh khud aayi hai, isse bhagayenge yahaan se bhi"

so,this is my experience in India, instead of a career and they have done these sort of things to me in India! 

JUST A FIRST DRAFT FOR FREE USE, MORE TO ADD HERE,,,

How they destroy a person using Non-Violent Strategies Part 1

While Indians continue to nurture their own daughters into career professionals, cared for, celebrated or at least paid for women, my life experience in India is that of being exploited, misled, wasted and destroyed despite being used since childhood.

So, how is it that Indian strategies and systems loot and destroy a person’s personality.

Here are some of my experiences in India in which Several non-violent strategies are exposed.

Even though there is an internal system of technology used on me since childhood which is finally being revealed to me through which any physical part of the body, internal organs along with the brain, nervous system and breath can be targeted there are various other strategies most of them non-violent which have been used to destroy me as well. While the internal technology does have the power to be violent and maybe even kill, all of these strategies do keep a person alive but they are used to psychologically and physically destroy so that the person is never able to live as per their own personality, destiny or even effort. Death of the body isn’t the only death, a person can be killed internally in several other ways in a country like India if found inconvenient yet successful.

And  all that a person could be if they were made to live a consistent career and life, can then be easily looted to market several other personality careers and all the returns of that can be internally enjoyed by the systems that destroy.

TARGET – SKIN. Our Skin is their soft target, they want to destroy it, they want it lose its fair colour and darken and be destroyed without realizing its painful sensitivity. They want it spotted to feel like their own skin, they want us to begin living in their skin instead to lose whatever identity of appearance we are born with. They want to destroy it so that it can be branded ‘ugly’. Somehow they feel by destroying our skin they can feel better about their own skin given by the creator. They specifically targeted my skin otherwise the beginning of this write-up would not have been so skin deep.

TARGET – FACE .DESTROY FACE/POLITICS OF FACE - The face is an obvious target to be destroyed away but not until it is sufficiently played with. They played with my face using technology since childhood, they used free show stage ‘acting’ for school to trap me and then to force Indian faces on my own face leaving me in confusion and misery in my childhood and school, college years after which they started destroying my face by spotting it with bacterial infection in milk and food products. And they never stopped. Later they began destroying my face with other chemicals in salt and food products to especially humiliate me in sexual ways. They deliberately brought my ‘face’ into play by using me for free show stage in the army school and misled me to want to direct my train of thought towards my face and then destroyed it altogether so that I should never be professionally used in any face-based career and they could loot my train of thought and struggle to market and sell and make whichever Faces they now wanted. So obviously, they used my face to play with since childhood and internally but they chose their own faces to sell and market into what they call the ‘common memory’ of their audiences who their people and children should recognize and grow up with. 

TARGET – APPEARANCE. FATTEN, FAT BRANDING or put on show after fattening and not put on show when fitter. They have put me on SHOW, free show stage many times since childhood, but it’s clear they don’t want my personality to be seen or put on show when I am living some life and I am fitter and more mobile, instead they needed to put it on show as bad, when I was kept caged indoors and invested my time in study instead. So, their strategy is that I should not be Shown for looking good or aspiring to live life but to be put on show to look bad and to humiliated. I am not supposed to be ‘Made up’, I am supposed to be destroyed and that is their SHOW.

 Any professional achievement adds to a person’s personality but once you destroy them from their professional accomplishment or establishing themselves as belonging to a certain professional life to define who they are what they are expected to be left with to be negated and humiliated is their own physical self instead of the accomplishments of a career.

So, instead of creating a career professional, professional scientist or professional actress prostitute or professional musician or professional film maker or professional writer  they want all of the professionalism interrupted and destroyed away so that all you are left with is a woman’s flesh and physical appearance that can then be used to humiliate and negate you. Now, you are their FAT on display to be SHOWN instead of a career professional who they can sexually humiliate and negate because consistently targeting a person for their fine appearance is not just sexual humiliation it is obvious racism. The title they wanted prefixed to the name is not that of a profession - a professional scientist, journalist or film maker, not even published writer or artiste but of  'FAT' INDIAN. This they made me live through consistently from within the army house since they began forcing feeding me their food in innocent childhood and caging my body from any travel or movement, and the rest of the people in their racist country India followed suit.
The abuse and neglect of my body along with the faces of fat obese Indians and adults forced on my face early since childhood, using remote technology abused my own face and flesh to modify and abuse my appearance and use to market the FAT INDIAN HINDU RACE.
They need to abuse the body by branding the human body negatively as a 'size' that is different from theirs, a 'size' that will not 'fit in' with them and can be pimped to other races that will accept the 'size', while an internal technology remotely accesses the human body to expand, spread or lean in the human body.

But really, it’s only their own fear of your real worth and instead of channelizing your strength it’s their own weakness they expose that they try and target to destroy you.

Maybe it is the need of Indian races to make and market professional Fatness to humour their own Indian pot bellied bulges instead of have a woman inconvenient to them to challenge them, often standing taller than them.

TARGETING POSITIVITY, MAKING ANTI or NEGATIVE Towards any approach. I believe Positivity in believing in something to happen can cause it to happen in time. Whereas negating something can cause interruptions. To loot and steal from within your being, systems want to lead your personality towards Negativity instead of Positivity. While living in Bombay I realized that even in india, the great Mahatma Gandhi worked not on an anti-violence but a pro non-violence approach. Even while all my life has been lived out of India while it could be lived anywhere else after a certain age, certain internal systems wanted to force an ‘anti-brand’ so that my positivity towards even the existence of India could be destroyed, after all they didn’t want me to successfully use all that hard work and effort made studying their Indian curriculum in their Indian education system and paying attention to and consuming Indian content on their public service broadcaster.
It's their own business plan to make anti-American, Anti-British,Anti-Muslim,Anti-India so that they could try and puppet to negate all these bridges and Indians can go pocket opportunities in all these places for their own selves. 

 Worldwide web connectivity has made it possible to express positivity towards various places and systems while being located anywhere. So, the anti-national branders and marketeers of India forget that their own nation is beyond their national cause and is connected globally, so what anti-nationalism do they fear anymore. In these circumstances there is no need for an ANTI anything approach anymore instead it should lead to search what is POSITIVELY Possible.

ANTI MAKING and ANTI BRANDING Became a big business for countries like India where they had access to consumers who they forced will consume Indian content in every way, Indian education,Indian content for at least 20 years and who begin aspiring to be part of India but they are negative towards the consumer and do negative and bad things to the consumer so that they cut off or force the consumer to cut itself off from the system when the hate and negativity against the consumer becomes visible to the consumer. By that time, the consumer has exhausted itself in consuming India, for example but is not made part of their mainstream and all that time and effort spent in it, makes the consumer feel Anti everything they spent time in consuming and the bad experiences deliberately made part of their lives and will now be thrown into the Anti market from where they will want to become consumers of something new and all the new experiences and information will be sourced and used by the previous system or country like India who they were hooked to consume and then cut off from.

TARGET – HAPPINESS OF A FULFILLED FAMILY LIFE AND MORE PEOPLE BORN TO UNWANTED or INCONVENIENT BLOOD AND DNA – Obviously Indian systems such as Indian army and Indian i.a.s must have ensured happy fulfilled lives for their Own Indian daughters, but I don’t have such experiences, I have experiences of being played with and puppeted by force on the inside through high technology and be sexually humiliated on the outside and therefore I have looked out for alternative technology to heal me in every way, one that doesn’t suck life out of me on the inside, one that I can connect with on my own. I have the feeling and experiences of being a girlchild and woman, from whom they could loot away everything that I could ever be capable of or accomplish, especially obviously my appearance.

TARGET -PHYSICALLY HARDWORKING PERSONALITY – I have been puppeted through an Indian army family system, the Ghar pe baitho scam was enforced upon me at strategic times by the retired army colonel father in my growing up life in Delhi when I wanted to work in India with youthful effervescence. It was repeated again by Bombay systems and again by the army father at strategic career success moments in my life. All because there was already a scam system in place to use technology to use and play with me from within the confines of four walls of the house or anywhere else and all of my life being lived into my own brain and body could be looted at source and other personalities could be sold instead using the struggle within my brain and space. Yet I managed to be in two cities in India and yet I was determined to reconnect with Kashmir again obviously against the wishes of the system and family I am born to.

TARGET - NAME – The politics of NAME is after all very obvious politics and usually it is exposed to be just that, politics. The Name is given by the family and their can be various systems who feel they now own the name a person is born with and can set their own shop on it.

TARGET – SEXUAL SELF ESTEEM. The face is an obvious a part of sexual self esteem and by deliberately playing with it and eventually destroying it in various ways, they openly target sexual self esteem. Obviously other common strategies are face shaming, body shaming or using provocative vulgar descriptions while other obvious ways are bad sexual experiences designed or directed.

TARGET – SOCIAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS and to AVOID INSTEAD OF COMMUNICATING. Since I was not socially introverted I was instead socially avoided by Indian systems and I looked for professional communication methods to communicate instead which they tried to cut me off from to destroy me so that my social communication should not become my strength. I get no invitations in India and I have been given few experiences to experience Indian social lives despite being available to them in every professional aspiration since childhood. Their internal system so used to being derogatory towards me already knew they were not supposed to TAKE ME anywhere the way they took their own daughters with care to experience professional or personal journeys. They know, while being suffocated,caged indoors to be used internally through the high technology system I will eventually SHOW UP on my own out of the desperation of being abandoned

TARGET – PERSONALITY.  If they get to know that your personality can bring you to be in public spaces on your own merit they will try to mislead people about your personality and being. They have enough Indian money to market fake personalities to mislead their own people. When they want to negate and destroy you even the smallest fault in you or any of your actions will be magnified to mock, hate or humiliate but for those they want to promote and market genuinely as their own people even the greatest faults are ignored and never publicly marketed.

TARGET – SELF WORTH  - They want to waste you away and show that you are not good enough despite your aspiration, hard work and effort. Your wasting away in any way is their success. They want your day wasted away instead of being lived. They will give you misleading tips, pull time away from you from making it used as judiciously as you are capable of, they will make you compete in such a way that they will mislead u and put you on show when you are wasted and then you will be ‘not good enough’ or ‘could not do it’ for them. They want you to fall instead of rising. They want you fallen so that they can run over you and loot you over your own effort and aspiration. They want your actions to be your mistakes and not your success. Your success is not falling prey to believing them.

TARGET SELF-ESTEEM -NEGATE – Constantly negate and surround by negativity so that you begin negating the potential of your own existence. They want you to succumb to self negation so that you eventually destroy your own self and they have no blood on their hands. They can use the people around you, your own people, to negate them to negate you, the way in the army family home I have been brought up hearing the way my own kashmiri mother is supposed to be negated and humiliated in every way each day by the retired Indian army colonel father. Wherever there is the possibility of a success professionally or personally they are conditioned to negate at the onset so that all possibility of a success is destroyed at source.

TARGET – CLOTHES. POLITICS OF CLOTHING – You look good in anything you wear or clothes look good on you, doesn’t mean you should be made to wear rags or force to be dressed down despite struggling to make a living. You deserve your right to wear as per your wish and feeling. I have been openly humiliated by the Indian system while they were using me as a free show stage puppet mostly by giving me humiliating costumes to humiliate me that was an obvious way to humiliate me, especially after they began targeting and destroying my face but never allowing me the financial worth and independence I deserve they ensured I will not be given the income to nurture and care for my own self the way I deserved.

TARGET CULTURE -LANGUAGE  - Instead of passing on and preserving the knowledge of Urdu and Kashmiri  that the parents know I was brought up only in Hindi and English in Delhi to strategically make me into a non kashmiri citizen whose life and personality could then be copied out by non Kashmiri Hindi speaking Indians. Not just this, the Indian theatre system where I was directed to be used as a free puppet openly wanted to corrupt and destroy my speech with their abusive Hindi system in a very obvious way to humiliate me. Their Bombay system followed suit. So, they wanted to target good speech and destroy it by their own bad influence.

TARGET – SANITY - MADDEN – A very common strategy to label as ‘MAD’ so that all of your effort made in any constructive madness or affected by consuming news of injustice and other bad news that affects your sanity can be easily looted and credited to some other person, to not make you part of any professional or other space that is created  using your own vision or effort. Instead by ‘maddening’ you out of the way, you can be cast aside and all of your own being can be looted to market someone else who will not be labeled ‘mad’ as you. You are labeled ‘mad’, so somebody else will be given the work to do and life to life. In order to realize this strategy, Situations are created to provoke and display ‘madness’ instead of positively channelizing your existence. Adding provocative additives in milk products especially can be used to destroy ‘mood’ or ‘behaviour’. Or by using people around you to deliberately provoke you, by misleading them about you, feeding them lies or half truths about you, they can provoke ‘mad’ responses. Their strategy is to provoke to cause ill behavior, conflict and clashes. Once a female body has been labelled 'mad' abusers enter and abuse the brain and body to provoke mad 'acts' and abuse the life and body maddened to be abused. I had been studying mental conditions such as depression in my media courses very early but later in Delhi the family placed me in a mental health ward for 15 days to label me mentally unfit on paper. In the Indian system it seems it is not normal to get mad with anger on seeing injustice whereas it is normal to tune into hindi tv soaps or trashy Indian entertainment film filth.

TARGET INTELLECTUAL CAPABALITY

If the Indian system were never going to use me professionally there would have been no need to use me since childhood on the Indian army school stage for free show especially during the time and years meant for a good formative education to direct life towards an established profession. But my time was used and exhausted by the army school instead of single minded dedication to study, despite that I did not fail or drop out of study and struggled to get academic results and spend my time in various academic competitive exams alongside, the career returns of which never came to my own life despite hardwork and struggle.

 Besides, I was conditioned since birth to consume nothing other than Indian media through its film,television,advertising so a lot of that junk left its memory in my brain to be dealt with later in the film school in india.

So, clearly despite sacrificing simple joys of life, my intellectual capability was targeted since primary school so that I live a life and career much lesser than my intellectual potential.

 The college experience did try to intellectually enhance my life experience but at the cost of my professional career aspirations which were never realized the right way.

I do not believe life is about locking yourself in a room reading books to display academic scholarship when a world burns around you, because I do not believe in such intellectual vanity.

TARGET – YOUR DESTINY – Some things are meant to happen in your life because your life was chosen in some way for it, but they don’t want you to realize that destiny. Instead, they want to destroy you, so that they can live your destiny instead. Whether in Delhi or Bombay, they tried to destroy me from my destiny and wanted to realize their own careers and life experiences on it. Some events happen in our life singularly and make our destiny whether someone directs them or they happen on their own. But when somebody is part of your life in any way then your destiny also affects and becomes their destiny. So, there should be no need to destroy someone to live off their destiny.

...to be continued

SKIN

LIPS

Questions and Answers . Consumption.... "I am happy i do not consume any indian content any more after my life has been wasted and destroyed with no life or career.

Q) Why is it that you have felt tormented since childhood?

Ans) Because i knew something was happening to me, facial twitches, my face turning strange and showing strange appearances but i couldn't make sense of it, i knew i was being forced to grow up in a control system and couldn't choose people i wanted to see or know. Because i was being severely mocked and humiliated by all the family members within the house since childhood who now seem ignorant to me about the various ways in which my childhood and life was being played with, especially through remote technology.


Q) What was affecting you?

Consuming Indian content and home. As early as i remember At home i was led towards the television so i remember consuming indian television as far back in childhood as i remember, i was led towards retro black and white and other 60s and 70s hindi film. I was directed since birth to become a consumer of India, through Indian tv and film. There was a lot of Indian noise in my childhood brain therefore and i was trying to deal with it. Then there was Indian advertising. There was a lot of sexual content in all of Indian advertising, they were hard selling contraceptives and condoms and aids and i made a note of all of it since very early like age 6 or 7. Indian film content obviously all of it was based on selling bad sexual content, its music and visuals loud enough marketed through all their media. I was being directed towards watching retro Indian content but i gave up watching indian television altogether even before the cable boom happened in India so my eyes never consumed any Indian cable content ever but the damage was already done. My life experiences individually made me realise that you become what you consume, it affects how you see and what you see, it affects the colours your eyes look out for and the visuals your eyes relate to, nobody teaches these things and till then the damage was done. 

Since I was strictly being forced to consume all of the school curriculum, never miss or skip a class or ever slip in my grades, i stopped consuming Indian television and tuned into radio instead for music. 

Besides, all through my school years I was being used for all kinds of on-stage activity. Obviously then I didn't know that all of my face, brain and possibly body was being used and played with through remote technology.

The family i was growing up in had their own frustrations and a lot of routine venting but there was exposure to art and english literature through my elder sisters and their lifestyles and of course film and television. But i used to follow the news and sensed there was some discomfort in the world, both within and outside. 


Q) After being part of the Indian audience in childhood what does the Indian viewership and consumption seem to you as a dedicated media student because they never let you be a career practitioner yet?

A) Obviously i don't consume any Indian film and tv content any more so i am not party to their ongoing party and celebration of India. But i do understand that India has celebrated all the media that finally found entry in India even if belated, The Indian audiences, largely rural are still driven by the advertisement driven Television  where all of Indian medias money is invested. but i feel Indians are still trying to deal with their Appearances and the 200 years of colonial humiliation. They have been hardened by watching themselves and their faces on their Indian television and hearing themselves 'talk' into the television instead of their hot and humid drawing rooms. Their genitals have been hardened consuming their own Indian skin and Indian faces like never before and since they are a textbook example of 'amusing themselves till death', they do not realise what humour they sell anymore, their new found business of selling Laughter to their inner miseries and darkness is so desperate that they are never directed what to laugh at as long as they can exercise their throat in vocal laughter, so other than their own appearances their market laughs at things like child abuse, political manipulation, sexual exploitation and rape amongst other issues. I do not consume them.

Q) But when you were consuming Indian content what all did you consume?

Ans) During my school years, I consumed public broadcasting television in india, radio, advertising, hindi films, pakistani plays and dramas, a few american films. I was a full time consumer for the first 15 years of my life, after that i switched off the indian television and have never consumed any Indian cable tv content other than occasional news surfing.  During my college years, when i studied journalism  my consumption changed, i was consuming print news full time and by now the internet was available so a lot of my consumption moved towards the world wide web. During the college years studying journalism i got to consume world cinema as well which i had never consumed before which included French films and classic indian regional cinema. So,every other medium existed in my consumption other than television.
When the college sent me on an exchange programme to Melbourne I got to consume their broadcasting content that is their tv,radio media as well as the cinema they directed me towards which included american films too but by that time I wanted to read more books as i had been directed towards in my journalism study.
On returning to India to work and at the time spent at the Film and TV institute of India which includes the job i was enrolled in for a year through them I was a full time consumer of classic world cinema from all over the world inclusive of India of course, hindi films, contemporary world cinema and many more books were added to my consumption than ever before and i was also a consumer of documentaries. I was a full time consumer of the world wide web and did not consume any television or advertising.  So, i consciously changed my consumption pattern.

Q) Do you have any regret about not consuming indian television? 

Ans) No. My brain is relieved. It has no memory of what india sold on their television after their doordarshan because all of their commercial content is nothing but commercialised doordarshan. So I have no memory of filth indian advertising or tv tabloid marketing of film tv prostitutes ot yelling, screaming news anchors selling lies or their national entertainment of bad content tv serials! 

I am happy i do not consume any indian content any more after my life has been wasted and destroyed with no life or career. 


More questions and more answers here..... 

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS - QUESTIONS NO ONE CARES TO ASK ME, ANSWERS NO ONE ELSE WILL GIVE

Why do i need to ask questions to my own self and throw answers back into some public space?

Because I have been used internally all of these 36-37 years in such a repressed way that it is necessary for my untapped spirit within to express all the experiences of external influences and throw that back into the public space so that even if a country like India never gave me the life or work to publicly share what i have been made to live through, bad experiences also need to be shared to save others from evil and conniving systems that try to destroy people who are inconvenient to them.

Because I have known since childhood that i was being played with in some way but not so that my life could be directed in any positive way to honour or hone my existence as a girl or bring out the best in me, instead to drive me to the worst within me. So i started keeping my journal since childhood to honour my own existence and i opted to study journalism in college, so i have a right to express my own self since i don't seek either any coverage by India or elsewhere and i don't seek any publicity of my existence through the Indian television businesses or elsewhere.

And of course since i have known already, that my existence in India has been more to be destroyed and dishonoured than to have been nurtured or channelised, questioning my own self and 'interviewing' my own self can create great humour for those internal systems in India or elsewhere who would still like to see me humiliated, internally or through their external systems, if that is what they seek.

Q) Is this the sort of existence you imagined for yourself at age 37?

A) In many ways, in the ignorance of my childhood I could not even imagine that we would be living in a world that is so closely connected and I did not even know that i would ever be allowed to apply myself according to my own thought and belief if i wanted to, so a lot of the conditioning i grew up with has given way to experiences i would have never imagined as a child.  But in doing that, some of the life experiences i imagined for my own self never happened.
I have grown up within a certain family and not anybody else's family, i have grown up with the conditioning given within it through those family members and not somebody else's. I have grown up only in Delhi, India and no other city or country. And i have been brought up not knowing too many details of how i was being internally used through technology.


Q) So by age 37, much of your vanity has been damaged,especially that of your face?

Actually, i have been experiencing 'face-play' since childhood and initially it used to really confuse me how my face used to start resembling other peoples faces, but by seeing some recognisable faces on my face, i sensed there was some external influence and yet i lived with it and kept changing the course of my life and kept picking up new experiences to communicate. In a way, i lost consciousness of my face very early and never shared that with anyone because nobody was there to ask me what i was living through or tell me what was going on.

But i didn't know my face would be targeted with such monstrous hate of whatever internal systems decided to play with it that instead of the freedom of breathing with the face that i was born with and which has been toyed with through face-play technology for more than 3 decades now.

Even after living through that, i didn't know that milk i would consume would be adulterated with bacterial chemicals repeatedly to leave my face and skin destroyed with 'spotting' and puss and cum, that an internal system using my face and brain would then place those bacterial 'spots' on my face at strategic places on the face, repeatedly, Especially when i aspired to begin a working career all through years in Delhi and later Bombay.

I didn't know that while agreeing to spend these few years back in Delhi since 2012 instead of any other city in any other country, more hate against my face would be added with adulterated chemicals through salt intake so that i should be further sexually humiliated and start displaying facial fuzz and facial hair so more than the face, my sexuality has been targeted through this Indian experience.

And that sexuality of being born a girl has been targeted strategically since childhood and unfortunately all through 37 years of my life, i have been made to suffer for that in some way or the other in India.

Because these Indian systems knew at my birth that the face i am born is of Pakistani Kashmiri origin because our family was displaced from Muzzafarabad and brought to India and that my face will  resemble the faces of Kashmir,Pakistan or other regions instead of Indian states. So they started using face-play technology on my face to INDIANISE my face by force...and leaving me in constant misery and confusion since childhood.

So, Instead of the face i was born with at birth, I have been 'given' a face that has been played with through face-play technology since childhood and a face that has been poisoned with adulterated chemicals to show puss,cum,cuts,pits,scars,facial fuzz and other hateful poisons on a face that grew up away from the qismat of cool mountain air that should have nurtured it.

And instead of any life direction to channelise my life, my face that was being played with through face-play technology and used since childhood by the army school in delhi for free stage show display, has been destroyed strategically, just as strategically as it was first used to make me 'apahij' about my face and to torment me.

So, i have never been the one who has run any business on my face, instead a face-play technology has been running its own business using my face, playing with it and trying to destroy it.

It is very clear, that my face has been targeted in India while the faces of their own Indian daughters have been nurtured and secured and beautified in foreign air and climates or even through face-business industries.

Q) So, it means an internal technology system that had been using and playing with your face, kept watching it being destroyed for 36 years?

Yes, that has been their intention, otherwise my life would have been different and my life experiences would have been different. My face would have been my own or it would have been part of any professional face-business career. Instead, it was played with to be destroyed since the innocence of childhood and then repeatedly destroyed through chemical additives in milk,salt.

Q) It sounds a little unbelievable that if such an investment of face-playing technology has been made on your face since childhood even till age 37 your face has never been adequately 'directed' or channelised by Indian film, TV system while a system itself has been playing with you internally?

Yes, because their intention was not to make me part of face-career businesses because that would have meant my face would have reached out to faces in Kashmir and Pakistan, it would have found recognition through the cultures and people I grew up disconnected from. Especially, if I would have been made a TV broadcast journalist in India and travel to Kashmir and other regions as I wanted to at age 18.

But the internal system was already 'using' me an a child actor for free stage show parts on the army school stage since childhood, whereas I wanted to seek knowledge and some basic education. Only even that basic education happened while this face-play technology was playing with my face and it isn't easy to concentrate on study while somebody is trying to play with the face through such a manipulative play technology and especially not letting me know about it.

It would have been so useful for me and these systems if they have told me since childhood what they were doing to me, so that my life could have been channelised in a more constructive way instead of being used discreetly and then destroyed away.
So, these internal Indian systems knew what was being done with me, how they were puppetting me and never shared those details with me.

Since I was directed towards the stage by the Indian army school, I did offer myself to theatre group workshops in Delhi and Bombay. But those are just experiences and not a working career and these stages in India, like the Asmita theatre group in Delhi and later Ekjute theatre group in Bombay that came out of free or paid theatre workshops but only gave me some humiliating stage parts to further destroy something within me and no real direction to life.  Other than that, the one year that i spent at the Film and Television Institute of India, to study film scripting, offered me a few free in-house student projects to act in after i had worked and submitted written work, so they gave me the experience to be an actor in free video projects, living through the experience of applying professional make up and be called an 'actor' as well. 

There has been no attempt to ever apply the depth of my feeling or personality. It has all been wasted in India. Not just that there has been no attempt to ever even communicate with me about myself. Other than humiliation of life destroyed year after year for three decades, all of that in my life has been systematically looted and used to add to other people's careers. 


And that is all. No other offer for any credited work in India anywhere ever came to me that would have used my face in a professional way.  

So, mine is not an actor-actress journey in any way, I havent been given that life to live other than some humiliating stage parts for derogatory drama forced on me since childhood. 

Leave aside being considered an actor/actress to be given any direction to life, nobody in India since childhood in Delhi or Bombay ever wanted to know me or talk to me about me in any way, very rarely. 
I am just somebody they deliberately misled and used since childhood and then destroyed away in as many ways as they could. 

Q) So even after exposure at the Film and TV Institute of India and struggling since childhood in Delhi and Bombay, no Indian film director or TV system ever offered life to your face?

A) No. And that's how it is. It could be their disinterest in me or their ignorance in not knowing that I was a face that was being played with through face-play technology since childhood. 

Or maybe their Internal system tips them internally and they know that my face has been destroyed or will be destroyed further so instead of giving it professional life, they know that the rest of my being and personality could be used as free source material instead and they could greenlight some other 'faces', whichever other 'face' they wanted to pay and popularise and run their business with.

I was never given a camera to photograph my face by my family, but later after mobile phones started developing cameras within them, i could now easily photograph the changing 'faces' on my face through the face selfie technique and that's how i like to preserve my existence still. I have access to online profiling, which gives some space to my existence.

I was 22 after being well directed away from TV broadcast journalism, that I made myself available to Bollywood for whatever life direction,guidance they would like to give to my life or whichever way they would like to use me. I have met several Indian film directors, I have lived within the prestigious Film and TV Institute of India and lived and struggled in Bombay till age 32 and yet these are my life experiences. And i have no working credit for any Indian film or television or advertising production. So India never gave me any professional beginning even after i was used internally since childhood. So, these highly pumped up, over publicised and overpaid Hindu directors and Hindi Hindu film star businesses of the Indian Hindu Hindi Indian film,tv business
have only watched me being further abused,destroyed and tormented and all of my own struggle and direction to survive, since nobody gave me any direction has been openly picked up and looted by these businesses to further their careers and businesses
Similarly, Hindu Indian TV journalism business and Hindu Indian TV business has enjoyed its business because that's where Indian money is hoarded and pumped in and Indian Hindu Politics business has marketed their own politics and politician business because that's how they get free source material to market their faces and political business.

What the internal system was trying to do instead was to exhaust me within my own face and being through the face-play technology and exhaust me in struggle instead of exhausting me in a visible career. 

So the misery forced upon my face has been lived by my body and soul as well, I haven't been given a life or lifestyle of dress-up or grooming, when i needed it in childhood, we had no money, and later when my face was repeatedly destroyed away there was no purpose in aspiring to hoard fancy clothes. When my soul itself was massacred, my face brutally destroyed after being played with, what happiness would fancy dress up or hoarding clothes be able to give me.

Q) So instead of the strategic sexual humiliation given to your face, what else is life at the beginning of 37?

Not as a imagined as a child certainly because i wanted to keep working hard and struggling and that too without abandoning study. I imagined by this age, all the hard work would lead to some lived life. That I  would be set free in every way, I would have a body of work and for that I would get the returns for all the struggle since childhood, that I could give back to my parents and family. Instead what I have is a life used internally, humiliated, destroyed, no beginning to any paid career still that would do justice to how i have been used since childhood and just some bad humiliating sexual experiences in India and no experience of marriage or motherhood.  But by reading books and by access to the world wide web I have some new experiences added to my life that didn't exist when i was being conditioned growing up in Delhi but i cannot call them 'life', i can call it survival, of merely being alive each day of my life.
So my life has been made what it was while growing up in Delhi, of being a woman considered more animal than human to be caged within a room and be researched upon using various advanced technology strategies. But I learnt to read English so i can pick up any book to read, I can log on to the internet and I can write and express or share what I am feeling.
They have been playing with me, researching upon me and using me since childhood,whereas I have been enduring and resisting in some way or the other since childhood.
Instead of being a career artist or professional what the evil and conniving systems of India have used me as is a personality whose entire struggle of a lifetime since childhood has been looted at source, by playing with my face,brain internally and through external systems,whose entire struggle in every way can be looted to market some other career for some other face or body or professional and with a lifetime of a career that was never lived several other people can use it as free source material to further their own businesses and even film,tv,journalism,politics,prostitution careers.

Q) The Bombay life experience has left you even more tormented than the growing up in Delhi years?

A) Absolutely. Because in Delhi i was a child and ignorant and even though those years were miserable, in Bombay i was more aware how my life had been misled, I was more aware by then nobody was making as much use of me as i deserved and craved for. I was being wasted and destroyed further all while an internal technology system continued to 'play' with my face and brain. They watched me struggle in hostel rooms and local trains and buses and autorickshaws but the bombay air kept me alive since I was still alone with nobody to be there with me and the internal system was still enjoying my misery. 
So, the Bombay city has a different character in my life than the Film,Tv prostitution business that sets up its shop there. Because most of the Film,TV prostitution business has been inherited by and given to Hindu Hindi Punjabi Papaji Babuji type families who have to loot and destroy other peoples lives and careers to further their own lifestyle through their film,tv business. Whereas Bombay city is still a lot more vibrant than that, even if there was a campaign to throw out 'North Indians' from Maharashtra during the years that I was living there. 
So, it is not surprising that instead of more truth telling and original pieces work, The whole world knows the Indian film industry is about criminals, gangsters,drug addicts and is based on theft,copy,loot. 

The Hindu Hindi Film family Film industry eventually is about their Directors and producers wiping the potty and piss off the Film family born film star eggs and that is all their end will be, it's their genitilia where Hindi film directors pump up and save their looted money. Then these faces,bodies,genitilia are meant to built up with crores of investment into Hindu gods and goddesses,kings and queens so that all that marketing is eventually routed towards the Hindu vote banks of the Hindu political business and the internal system of India could enjoy a big fat prostitution business from film,tv and politics.

Then, the Directors,Producers of Bombay started pumping their money into foreign faces and bodies which really meant they arranged more lifestyle and flights for people whose childhood was already flown around in several countries by their families. Because by doing that, more of the Film family eggs whose parents flew them to multiple foreign countries since childhood and really have no lifestyle issues to enter film,tv prostitution could continue their lifestyles and businesses and their businesses could continue through generation to generation of egg laying.

Q) But what about your life and career? Have you ever even known how to live it?

Ans) I have known struggle and that is all there is for me since childhood. I have known hard work and effort and I have known stumbling through the dark looking for survival and direction with no one to guide me. I have been used in various ways through the education years in India but even despite hard work and effort that is not what makes a working career because that's just when an innocent child like me got used for free as free human resource to be exhausted without ever being told that an evil internal technology system was already using me on 'show' bare in every way, the details of which have still not been revealed to me.
But all that effort has never been realised into my working career. Because they began destroying me instead, physically especially by destroying my face.
And the experiences in Bombay soon after my education years made my life experiences in India even worse.
It's as if, it is known internally that all of the thought within my brain is meant to be read at source, all of my struggle to myself within notebooks or into my computer, even while was being read internally had no meaning, all my struggle of placing myself available for work never realised my career potential, so all of me gets looted at source with no guidance or direction for me. While i am 'directed' to be caged within the room of the same family where I am born, like a woman unwanted, unrealised to be abandoned to it's own birth givers with no one else willing to claim her, while being used in every way internally.
So, some other person gets to live the life and career I should have been living, working,earning from as my lifetime that i deserved, forgetting what dna i am made of. So, Somebody else gets direction to act, someone else gets to make the film, someone else is taken on journeys, someone else gets bought and sold in the advertising industry of India, someone else gets to be writer or co-writer. 

Instead, they used my desperation of struggle within to destroy me and loot me at source, all the while continuing to 'PLAY" with my face through technology to continue the misery of struggle for me. I feel their hate, I feel they wanted to watch me be destroyed and not be 'made', the way they 'made' the careers of their own Indian children effortlessly guiding them to independence and happiness.

So the life experiences and career experiences for me have been very bad in India. My own life, potential, career has never been realised and has never begun in India. I have been cheated of my own life and looted from within. But that has made me see the 'real' faces of India so I got to see what sort of people Indians are behind the faces they sold on their Indian television and film which i was made to consume as a child in Delhi.

At 22 when i was full of youthful energy to work and to see the world and journey and begin applying myself creatively, I was refused work to be an assistant director in Bollywood or aspiring to write for them. I picked up some skills from the FTII after that and blessed them for allowing me in but in the years to follow I was still never given any film-making skills in India. I was expected to keep struggling within my notebook and computer with just a small handycam for company in life and found myself living low income careers, struggling from local trains and half rooms, hostel, to buses and autorickshaws all the while my misery was being 'watched' internally through the technology system show.

It would have been so easy for any of these People in India to take me on as their assistant director or to commission me to be their writer or even co-writer but despite several years of personal effort into my computer and notebooks i was never given that life.  Instead, my own personal struggle gets looted at source and that gets added to further their lives and businesses or of those they 'greenlight' for work, which was never me.

Neither did they make any use of the Face-play technology which was being used to play with my face to give me the actor's journey, but i feel those Indians are just ignorant people, despite hoarding work credits to their name and money in their bank, and i wish the best for their prosperous and fulfilling careers in acting and film making, just as the Indian tv broadcasting industry and tv advertising industry prospered, but i will never consume their content. So all they have lost is one person's viewership, whereas I have lost all of my career and a lot of my life within.

Q)So, you have never been wanted by these systems?

Ans) No. It doesn't take so long to know. It takes a meeting with any employer to know whether they want to 'make' something out of you or not. And the rest of the life is planned and lived accordingly. Just like the Army system that used me in their army school years, the Bombay industry also know who they want and those people are brought to them in a secure way, I am instead expected to "show up", "Land up" on my own to live a humiliating life. I haven't been brought anywhere driven in Army carriages or any other. I board trains, local buses,local trains, autorickshaws. They didn't want me, it has always been clear to me.  I have been good enough to be used by them, as long as i am available free to be used, uncredited. Everything more professional than that is lived by others, their own! It's not a new experience for me in India, just as i have never been shown into the busy Indian television journalism broadcasting business industry, I have never been shown into the real making of the Indian Hindi film or tv business, though I picked up some insights from hanging around on the outside.

When they make people professionally they do it effortlessly when they don't want to, the way they didnt want me, they will find someone shorter or taller, darker or fairer, younger or older, richer or poorer, fatter or thinner, they will find any reason to not make or to destroy. 



True, the army began readying me since primary school, but i am not any pampered army 'baby' or brat since i saw very little army life, have no experience of their army cantonment lifestyle or resources and mostly grew up in a civil area and saw my army serving father only after he stopped serving the Indian army. But, yes the army school milked and used and exhausted me as much as they could in extraneous activities in their school all through my schooling there but didn't really bother or care about me in real life, so i've been very sure that they did not like me from the beginning and probably detested me more over the years as i wanted to know, investigate and educate myself.
I am sure India's army is a well settled business by now and know their business interests and stake in art and entertainment, they know what unwanted dna and childhood like mine they had to mislead or exploit or exhaust and similarly they know about others who they have to protect and secure and consider their own and to market professionally in the marketplace for good price!
Besides my father has been the representative of the Indian army in my life and he never shied away from humiliating and mocking me in several ways and forcing his own choices and demands on me in the name of 'discipline' which really amounted to wasted life and time and the humiliation and mock has not ceased even at this age, so i already know that i cannot have any expectations from anyone or anything that has to do with the Indian army in any way. 
Everyone knows that the Indian army has secured the lives and genuinely marketed and bought and sold the careers of several prostitutes of various faces,skin and girth in Film, fashion,advertising,indian broadcasting tv journalism and maybe even film making and television but I am not one of them.

Q) So, instead of making use of your presence or creative potential, the Indian system especially in Bombay wasted you intentionally?

Ans) Absolutely. It seems, despite watching me struggle all alone, they have intentionally left me inexperienced so that i get wasted away instead of being channelised because by being channelised my effort would have been channelised to my own name and face instead of their puppets or businesses. I have no experience of being commissioned to write or co-write any film or tv for India, I have no experience of being introduced to the working of professional cameras in India. I have no experience of any journey made to anywhere with any India film or tv system and obviously i have no direction given by any Indian film or tv to my face,body or personality. Instead, all of my struggle from classroom hardwork to public transport struggle, to struggling to meet film makers and deciding on choices of whose work to be a part of, and the struggle within my notebooks and computer and the choice and effort of book reading and the choice of deciding and imagining locations of interest is all looted at source to run their own Indian businesses and while our home and family struggles they enjoyed a big,lavish moneyed party on it leaving me abandoned and not part of any work credit that came out of my own struggle. It is done openly, it is done repeatedly, it is done by their party between film,tv,advertising and even indian politics. Whereas there has been no professional beginning for me anywhere in the Indian system. 
It can be anything from film titles, characters,situations,locations or the creative journey alone that came out of my struggle of blood but the Indian system has openly raped me of my life and career and they have enjoyed fat prostitution moneyed parties on it.
They have some sort of a system, where they steal content because all of their film family egg laying system is made on the basis of theft, thats how they hoard crores directly looting someone elses struggle and after they steal they expect i will show up there to put up the drama of a fight with them to beg for work, whereas I would rather not breathe those people or consume any of the films or tv they make. I was an innocent child in Delhi when i consumed Indian content and i have had to pay with my life for that.

So, I have no experience of even attending any Bollywood event in Bombay or any other Indian event while being in Delhi. It's like I don't exist for them,even while they rape me of life and career.
And you know they party a lot and celebrate a lot of events on a daily basis and they do dress up their own women a lot, 
but then i know the truth that i am not from their Indian states as their Indian daughter or of foreign moneyed blood, I am of Muzzafarabadi,Azad Kashmiri descent in India and despite living and aspiring to work with them, they will never regard me as their own, their Indian system will use me to direct their hate towards me.

They play with me since birth, their game is to watch me struggle and then to destroy me when they see signs of effort and success in me, then they watch me struggle to pick up new skills and then they try to harm and destroy again in whatever way they can. Their job is to loot whatever they see me struggling to do and then they cut me off from that struggle and they are paid and marketed to become and live that struggle professionally instead, whether in Delhi or Bombay or anywhere else. so they mislead me towards the stage and then become the prostitute actress in me in the stage, film, tv business, they become the science professional in me, they become the broadcast journalist in me, they become the writer, film writer, film maker in me, they become the political service aspirant in me. because I am not the one they make part of their work, their business is only to 'play' with me, they access my struggle and then they are paid and marketed to live it professionally instead. 

Q) Why have you repeatedly insisted on travelling to Kashmir? 

Ans) Because growing up in the stillness of Delhi, I have missed Kashmir immensely. I grew up listening to narrations from my parents, especially my mother who studied medicine and grew up there. and I kept realising how much i was missing travelling to and knowing Kashmir while we were in Delhi, we had been there only once and had nowhere else to travel to throughout the Delhi years. So the moment i came of age, I wanted to use my broadcasting experience and travel to Kashmir as a broadcast journalist. That dream was never realised in India, although i studied about it. 
Then, I never succumbed to foreign education that i was offered, i experienced it and returned to India to be closer to travelling to Kashmir and continued to read, write about it. Even during the year abroad the childhood photograph with my parents and me in Kashmir kept me company.so i knew where i wanted to be.
All through Pune at the FTII and Bombay i wrote about Kashmir in an imaginary way, then i wanted to meet people living in Kashmir and started consuming a lot of visuals from Kashmir online and i realised instantly what i had been missing.
Once again, it would have been so easy for the Indian film industry to take me on a journey to Kashmir, but i am not the one they take along with them, so instead I am expected to keep struggling alone as an unwanted individual, board a flight alone and show up wherever i want to and that's what i did in 2011 finally. 
So,in India its as though my struggle has never mattered, that i don't exist even while i had been standing in front of those in Delhi and Bombay, that the blood on my face never mattered to them. I felt they had been enjoying their own Indian party and i was not meant to force myself into it. Instead, Kashmir agreed to become my imaginary virtual parallel universe and began healing all the confusion of childhood and the scars of youth.


LOTS MORE QUESTIONS,MANY MORE ANSWERS

Bud/Flower Bloom - Where there are Buds...they will bloom... ....

Where there are Buds...they will bloom... .... 

My mother's garden.

 
Hibiscus Flowers Twin Bloom from smriti vij on Vimeo.








Stargazer Lily Blooming from smriti vij on Vimeo.

Bloom in the Room. Cut flowers in the room

Bloom in the Room. Cut flowers in the room