BEING STRATEGICALLY DESTROYED IN INDIA

PUNE, BOMBAY YOU WERE THE WORST WITH ME, YOU KILLED MY FACE AND SKIN, GAVE ME NO WORK CREDIT, STOLE MY STUDY AND STRUGGLE AND PAID YOUR OWN SELVES, LEFT ME AS A SINGLE FEMALE ALONE ON THE STREETS, PUBLIC SPACES, PUBLIC TRANSPORT, UNPAID AND ALONE SINCE 2002 TO 2012 WITH NO INVITATION TO ANY EVENT, NO BEGINNING TO ANY PERSONAL OR PROFESSIONAL WORK OTHER THAN THE LOWEST PAID JOB WHICH WAS COPIED AND STOLEN AWAY.

No life exists for me, Smriti Vij despite being used and made to struggle since Childhood. At 37 years of being used in India since childhood, all i own is a phone and a laptop given to me recently by my parents and occasionally some second hand video camera available at the lowest price of 5000-20,000 rupees. The only other things i have are paper notebooks and some books. 

All of the Life that i was meant to live has been looted and stolen by Indians who themselves live all the commercial opportunities in India and abroad but very strategically looted all of my struggle and never made me part of their commercial careers or any life to live. Even at age 37 despite being used since childhood No money is given to my life that I could live life with or give to my parents. My life was accessed and used for free or for the lowest income of 5 or 10-000 rupees occasionally otherwise mostly all of my life has been used for Free in India by Indians. The only part of 'life' i am given to live is getting meaningless 'dreams' thrust into my brain, meaningless talk spit into my brain and any unwanted breath forced into my brain and breath and all of my life accessed bare in every way from within a room. They themselves are powerful people living life and careers whereas there is no beginning to my life and everything from my life breath, to brain,to body is accessed. There is no marriage or career or profession or life to live. 

Of course the visible part of the way they destroy me since childhood through remote access technology is the way they tormented me by destroying my face and they are still 'playing' that on me by force, especially if i ever videograph myself they force in Indian faeces on my face, especially of South Indians,Bengalis,Scheduled Castes,Punjabis etc. Very often they force in Male Indian faeces or their female Indian faeces that look like males on my face by force. They do this to sexually torment me publicly in a visible way which they did to me since childhood and expected I will 'get used' to it. The Head rapist sits wherever they are located and with remote access technology still goes on raping my own face to force these faeces in. I am sure they must be getting the 'entertainment' they wanted by tormenting and destroying me as they exploit me through remote access technology every time they force a male or indian faeces on my muzzafarabadi face. Very rarely do they place any other faeces on my face. They have tormented me since childhood and my life as a girl and woman has been destroyed in every way.

As a child I aspired to live any working life like all people should and earn a life to live and breathe some fresh air anywhere because I was kept indoors in Delhi government service flats and houses for years together that my parents had earned with their service in India with nowhere to go. But while the army school was watching me wasted and destroyed while trying to exhaust me for free stage curricular activities I didn't know as a child that some evil remote access technology system was at work to 'deface' me of my Muzzafarabadi Azad Kashmiri face since birth to force in the faeces of Indians on my face through remote access technology systems because i recognized some familiar faces appearing on my face since childhood and very often my lips were forced to make kiss pouts and other strange contortions by force since childhood which was even captured on video footage whereas i was in misery. Some remote access technology system abusing me was forcing my lips into kiss pouts for many days and weeks together, i didn't know what they were doing, i tried to make other contortions with my lips, not knowing what was happening, i tried chewing gum over it because my family members were mocking me and laughing at me hideously for what was happening to my lips.

And nobody ever told me how were the other ways i was being remotely accessed. whether they used me bare, which means all my sexual life with my own self was available to them since my childhood which they remotely 'participated' in and all of my efforts in studying and all my thought and aspiration and misery while being caged in Delhi was available to them through remote access and yet nobody came to me to lead or direct or help me in any way and they watched me suffer in misery. 

Did they even modify and play with my own brain,thought,feeling other than my face since childhood to puppet it the way they wanted, the way the remote access system is now displaying to me in my brain??? As a child, despite the ways in which i was being used i wanted to study and not be wasted away in becoming a passive consumer of India and worked very hard at attending every day of the Indian system sacrificing every other part of childhood and life and sacrificing every enjoyment other than the life within my home and family. I worked hard to study whatever the Indian system sold in their school and only on my own and my parents insistence because I didn't want to be an academic failure the way the Indian army school system was directing me to be by exploiting and exhausting me in all their free on stage and other activities. I studied science till 12th standard with good marks after rigorous effort and struggle as per my parents wish, appeared for medical entrance exams after studying for them, in the years to follow I studied for management entrance examinations and was put on the wait list and studied for and cleared other entrance examinations like India's law which I did not want to study. I could have spent all that time or effort on any other routine in Life or on my own self or personal grooming none of which was ever given to me in any stage of my life. 

I had hope that when you struggle you will get the returns for it because hardwork and effort is the only way but since my fathers family is of Muzzafarabadi origin i don't experience India the same way as Indians are made to, despite hardwork and struggle and being used. But I wanted to investigate the misery that I was suffering in ignorance in every way internally so I aspired to study Journalism in the Indian system and hoped to learn, earn,live through a working life. And though the college system of India did add more real education and life than the Indian army mediocre school system did life was still only about unpaid struggle and it added some answers to my curiousness of Kashmir that I specifically wanted to reconnect with where my parents are from.  Soon after, my face that was still being 'played with' internally through remote access technology and skin was destroyed away with spots,cuts puss and scars and now with chemically induced facial hair through adulterated chemicals to humiliate me physically,visibly and sexually yet again while now also use remote access technology to pull off clumps of hair from my hair, claiming they are showing, 'autumn/patjhad' by pulling off the hair on my head by force. At other times they use remote access technology to forcibly destroy and tangle my naturally straight,long hair which was mostly kept cut since childhood.

 Over the years that I struggled in Bombay I was given minor jobs and yet another attending classroom experience but never any introduction to the Indian commercial systems or made part of any creative work despite struggle,effort,merit,talent,availability, I was still treated as the unwanted outsider aspiring to be living and working in India in any way who was still kept at a distance to the real goings on of the Indian system while I kept struggling, still alone aspiring to meet people, aspire to work, still study, still be alone in Indian public transport systems with the lowest income Indians could pay me or otherwise being used for free. 

Instead of giving me any creative life or career which could heal me of the ways in which i was exploited since childhood, they considered me murdered and dead to waste me and destroy me further and each one of them took turns to loot away as much as they could from my creative struggle,effort,written and creative direction, personal struggle including my need and desire to desperately reconnect with Kashmir and placed their prostitutes and their careers and businesses and their own careers,work credit and businesses on it with no beginning to any life or career for me while the remote access technology system continued to eat into my face,brain,body forcing other faeces on my face and accessing and using my brain and body watching me struggle in miserable circumstances. 

The more the Bombay film, tv pimps could cut and copy me off and destroy and humiliate and stop me from any life or career, the more money and media publicity was pumped in their businesses and work credit and those of their prostitutes. Delhi media and political business pimps did the same thing in looting away my struggle and placing their copies and prostitutes commercially and now they all continue their party together to shove more power, media publicity,fame, money, work experience in their own faeces,names and genitals. Their commerical face and name marketing industry in Bombay and Delhi operates by looting off my struggle, not making me part of their system professionally or in any other and then paying,employing and marketing puppets through which they can market any misleading visible puppet into their audiences and peoples brains and eyes to sell lies such as I am living some paid prostitution pleasure life or I have enjoyed married lives or breeding children or even that I have been given any clothes to wear while they continue lying to, looting, cheating their own people.

Over the years it became clear that Indians were not leading me towards life but towards destruction or self destruction. They were not applying my being or personality or creative aspiration in any way and were looting of my own being in every way while I kept struggling with no income and no life. This country India and it's people that I was made to be one with and consume through their Indian media,film,tv,news, didn't want me to be one with them and showed their hate towards me in every way. While of course the remote access technology still kept eating at my face,brain,body,nervous system as I struggled alone with pen,paper,computer. Indians didn't even give me a life where my body could be applied in any way or that I could even aspire to make purchases of clothes despite my body available to them for free show probably because the remote access system was already accessing,using,abusing my face and body internally since childhood while indians didn't even give me any caring human touch externally. They looted me of even smaller joys of life.Indians directed my life towards their old systems like free show stage where i was occasionally used for free to be staged and shown to be humiliated and not directed towards any life or towards tabloid print otherwise they only watched me still struggling in their system with even my face and skin being destroyed through adulterated chemicals. While they directed me towards free show stage, pen and paper while looting me of every other aspiration while i was innocent and ignorant they trained their own Indian children in all contemporary professional and commercial careers with technical skills like commercial radio,Commercial television entertainment,commercial TV news, commercial advertising industries,commercial corporate businesses, commercial film making and even commercial politics. They gave them professional work credit, professional creative work, they gave them money,careers, travel,clothes,lifestyle,money to make homes, media coverage and invited them to their parties and lived life with them and applied them creatively and gave them life to live. They made their own children struggle through work where the struggle shows and they are paid for that struggle whereas Indians kept and 'watched' me struggling alone and for free for their own use. While everything from my face, brain, aspiration,creative struggle, career was cut open to be used as free source material.  Bombay pimps of the film, tv business were only directed internally to 'copy' me off of every struggle,effort,idea,destiny,success which meant they looted all of my life and career and never made me part of their work either and were paid money after money to make their own work and those of their puppet prostitutes with their faeces and names publicised in the media and their own businesses flourishing with no beginning to my life or career. I had already stopped consuming India's television of their ongoing TV party 20 years ago and now I don't even consume any Bombay film poison party either and only now can i realise in how many ways i was used and kept strategically ignorant and looted off of all of my life. The world wide web kept me aware of contemporary life in the World and about Kashmir while Indians were enjoying their own party. All through these years the world was still in conflict with global terrorism dominating the news whereas Indians were flourishing with careers,professions,travel,income,lives to live. I am kept alive in India to be kept indoors with a plate of food and access to the world wide web whereas everything from my face,brain,body was abused,destroyed in every way and all of my life,career aspiration,struggle,written word,envisioned idea,thought,success was looted off by Indians. So, all of my life in India along with the remote access technology system eating at me since childhood is about my face being raped and skin destroyed, with my body abused,wasted or accessed bare all for free of course with all my effort,study,struggle looted with no beginning to any life,career and no beginning to any earning income and no aspiration of home making,marriage or childbirth. Every thing I reveal about how I have been abused and destroyed in India instead of living a promising life falls on deaf ears and blind eyes because the systems that pimped me since childhood and the systems that used and destroyed me pay off the people who copy,mislead or destroy me instead of giving me life or work credit or a career.

Everything I struggled with since childhood and in Delhi and Bombay has been used as free source material to make and market other peoples lives and careers with no beginning to my life or career.The way my own face,brain,breath was looted from within me since childhood through remote access technology, my own being has been obliterated from my own struggle,effort and destiny and despite struggle since childhood for more than 3 decades I don't exist anywhere professionally. 

Indian systems have exploited me in ways that my life is made available to them to be used for free in every way and that I get no returns, financial or any other for all of my struggle and effort, leave aside merit or talent.

My life experiences in India are of being destroyed away in every way, strategically used,humiliated,abused,looted of every joy,happiness as well as of every struggle,effort,success. 

It is no surprise that India has strategically tried to destroy,loot and kill every Kashmiri citizen in whichever way they can, regardless of religion through abusive force and all other strategies and Indians continue their own noisy parties, celebrating,partying,breeding.

 A MEANINGLESS LIFE IN INDIA

Indians used me since childhood since I was born here, I never wished any ill for anyone, not even an Indian, but over the years I realised that those Indians were wishing ill and bad things for me and that they were not my own people, I imagined myself to be growing up among my own people and was made to consume their Indian film and television and Indian education, but I realised despite my struggle since childhood they never considered me their own. They were wishing me ill, giving me hateful and jealous taunts, they didn't want me to live and prosper among them. 

An Internal remote control technology system had access to my bare face,brain,body,vagina since my childhood, but I was never told about it, the army school that started using and exhausting me in their extraneous extra curricular activities, never really bothered to train or groom my face,brain,body according to their military standards, I only managed to travel a little during the early years of my childhood along with my parents and as a family and after that it was years of being forced to live indoors a civil government area in Delhi. 

I still never spoke ill against anyone, not even an Indian. I had no other people of my own, other than family members and thought they were also our people.

Over the years, I realised, that Indians had plotted to abuse my life in every way, so that i was available as a face,brain,body to abused by them and over the years wherever i struggled I only realised they were not making me part of their happy, flourishing Indian systems. At every stage, they tried to destroy whatever I succeeded in, internally they were abusing my face,brain,body and every year of struggle they tried new ways to cut,destroy wherever i struggled, but for their own children they arranged all opportunities and gave them lives and careers.

My face, was raped and murdered since my childhood, they forced in their own Indian faces on my own face and never told me what they were doing to me, all my childhood was in misery, eventually they killed my skin through adulterated chemicals in adulterated milk and salt. Killing and murdering my face and skin, will not 'beautify' their own Indian faces which they spend crores of money on fake film,television,make-up,studious,lighting etc on, but appreciating my own kashmiri face and skin among their own people would have made them beautiful, which they will never be now, they will remain ugly and hideous in my memory forever.

My human body which was being accessed remotely through an advanced technology system which can remotely access the brain,face,body and do whatever they want with it, 'played' with me, watching me slide my vagina onto wood pieces and metal railings but never came to me to heal or stop or direct me. They must have watched me bare since childhood without bothering what happens to my own face,brain,body,vagina which they had access to and were 'playing with'.

Although the Indian army school was exploiting my childhood through extraneous on-stage parts where i was meant to show up in old hand-me down clothes of my own relatives or just show up despite academic struggle along side which they possibly wanted to destroy, India never gave me any stage parts of stage experiences and nothing worth remembering. their stage directors of bombay and delhi only exploited me on stage with humiliating parts with no direction to life and gave no memory worth remembering. Since I was not given any camera access by my family, I do not have my own memories of a rotten filth Indian childhood either. I do not consume Indian direction any more.

I struggled to be a part of broadcasting, I struggled with radio speech training along with studying science. Indians eventually never made me part of their own radio broadcasting or television broadcasting resources or lifestyles. I gave myself into public broadcast radio for several years at the lowest payment but I was neither shown into their Indian commercial radio business where they sell junk and filth and earn money, nor was I ever shown their television business, of entertainment of journalism, where they sell lies and commercial businesses. For their own Indian children of all colours, shapes, sizes they opened all professional career doors in radio and television, entertainment and journalism and gave them education,technical training, salaries,travel, careers.
I do not consume any India radio or television any more.

My family had made me consume old Indian films since childhood and that cost me a lot of time in my childhood and even though I struggled to be one with Indians in their film, they directed to keep me caged within my own family with the lowest income and never considered me a part of their own selves. I forced my self into their film school where they didn't want me and consumed old films from other parts of the world and began writing. Although they did lead me to a low income desk job, they never made me part of any credited work.

India's system is designed to kill and copy, so while all through my years in Bombay, they killed me from all work credit, they copied and stole everything I struggled to write alone and gave it their own Indian names and furthered their own businesses.

Although I struggled on the streets of Bombay, in half rooms, in public transport systems on roads,buses,trains and eventually led into scheduled caste servant quarter apartments, they gave me no train or flight ticket to anywhere and showed me no part of India other than Pune, Bombay. 

Although Indian 'film directors' showed off how they were paid monies to make film,after film and how they ran their businesses, Indian's did not give me any technical training or access to any of their resources or cameras and obviously never directed to make me into a film director either.

Although Bombay city runs 24.7 powered entertainment shows, they never invited me or showed me any of their lives or shows. 

All along the remote technology remote control system was still watching me alone on the streets of Bombay and killing my own face and playing with my brain and body. I had no other life to live.

Only because of the world wide web, I could reconnect with places and people, Although I was reading books and educating my own self, with access to google search and social media places, I could keep educating my own curiosity and connect with people in Kashmir.

In India my face,brain,body were all made part of mock shows to be wasted,destroyed,humiliated and no beginning ever given to my professional or personal life, every part of my face and human body has been severely humiliated by Indians and sold internally as mock shows.

Indian's never gave me any financial independence either with the lowest paying ,5,000-20,000 jobs in places where otherwise lakhs and crores of money are thrust in and forced me to be dependent on my own parents.

Since 2012, the remote technology system began openly accessing my face,brain,body from within the room in Delhi where I came to live with my parents, They wanted it to be the worst experience for me, where they wanted to stop me further from becoming a part of their professional commercial Indian public systems and sold mock shows out of my face,brain,body, fed me more adulteration, did whatever they wanted to my face,brain,body through their remote access technology and continued to watch me alone on the streets of Delhi never coming to give me any professional life to live, or any other life here,, while stealing every part of my struggle in their Indian systems and giving work after work, career after career to their own Indian daughters of Indian hindu parents. 

Indians take the worst of their people and give them the best of the resources accessible to them but despite abusing me since childhood since my availability to them, they never made me part of their credited work.

It isn't me who didn't want to be one with Indians, I was born and brought up here, I lived here, I struggled with Indian faces forced on my face since childhood, I studied in their education system sacrificing my own pleasures despite being exploited by their school and college, I struggled within their public spaces, public half rooms and public transport, all alone, it is Indians who didn't want me among them, it is Indian's who got me caged back into the same family I am born in, it is Indians who willed to destroy my face,personality,speech,character in every way so that they could openly copy and steal every part of my struggle and use it as free source for their Indian daughters and Indian sons and even foreigners.

They have watched every year of my life wasted and destroyed, with no professional or personal beginning to my life, that's how they kill, copy and steal and that's how they earn crores of stolen money, never paying me anything, never making me a part of their lives in India.

I do not consume Indians any more.

Online Shopping Experiences!

Online Shopping is a brand new experience for me, that i have enjoyed over the last 3 years in my very limited shopping experiences in life.

 I was brought up under extreme cost cutting by a struggling family, where more than necessary was spent on food, there were best government areas to live but there was no money for purchases, so I wore whatever my mother bought me out of her own choice and wore hand-me downs  and old clothes from all members of my family with no shame whatsoever, which included old pants and trousers of my father, old indian style clothes of my mother and old leftover clothes from my older sisters. I have to admit that since I was growing up on consumer advertisements when I was younger, if my parents had the money to give me or if I was permitted to take up work, I would have loved to make personal purchases like clothes, shoes,bags,makeup,beauty products, technology but I saw my parents struggling financially and I trained myself to not want anything and not want to make any purchases. Later in life, when I started earning through low paying jobs like 5 or 10,000 rupees a month I could make my own purchases for work clothes but a working lifestyle gives little money but also little time to choose and shop. In my one year life experience in Melbourne i experienced the mall culture that didn't exist in India then and over the years as malls came up in India, shopping was more of a hang out event-like activity in the air conditioned comfort of a mall instead of struggling through open markets in the heat. I have experienced shopping in Delhi markets and when i lived on my own in Bombay, I looked at the streets of Bombay but with just a little shopping experience and no life or lifestyle to live. 

So, How different has the world of online shopping been, compared to previous experiences? Very different and very liberating.

I want to make low cost free shipping purchases from all over the world and that is still a dream but until the world gets there, there is still so much of new experience that has been added through technology.

Shopping online is the birthday party style of shopping, where I can make whatever purchases I want to make as a gift to my own self or others and they arrive in Boxes, wrapped with gift wrap if I like them to be, So instead of shopping bags of the traditional style of shopping, now there are a lot of boxes to keep or discard. 

Now shopping is not bound by any time, the whole event style of dressing-up to go shopping is done away with, so I can do that when I want but I am not bound by it, and instead I can make web purchases at any time in any way, early morning or late at night. 

True, there are shipping costs involved locally even if free shipping sites also exist, but if you were to go shopping into the local market, you will still have to spend petrol money and parking fee etc so you are saving that and paying low local shipping costs.

It is No Noise shopping, unless you want to communicate with the sellers on your own. It takes away the entire noisy experience of marketplaces, haggling, bargaining which now seems like a culture and space of its own, running its own buying and selling show live in physically visible marketplaces with its own sound, feel, smell etc.

Shopping for those difficult small things has become easy now, whatever little things we had to go looking for in shops that were not easily accessible and were a struggle to get to now can be seen and purchased online and will be delivered home.

Of course the as-soon-as-possible shopping experience and need is still a day away as most products can only be delivered the next day at the earliest, so if you need anything asap you will still have to enter a marketplace so nobody has done away with the need for markets and shops.

Products are now so much closer by being visibly displayed online in photos and videos and also with buyers' experiences published online and each product can be seen and studied visibly with as much time as you like to spend on it before purchasing reading and watching reviews and buyer feedback.

It's the modelling style of shopping where you can also be more scientific in making purchases if that's what you want and if the site offers it. Online shopping offers greater access into the makers' world by offering measures and specifications and other descriptions for every product which we usually don't pay attention to when shopping in markets. While shopping for clothes for example, usually you can just go to a shop, feel the cloth you are purchasing and try on, while shopping online you cannot feel the cloth but there are photos and videos and descriptions that help in knowing the product and sizes and measurements as well as knowing about the materials the product is made of.

Also, its virtually very liberating, when you don't own so many things, you can view products online, feel as if you own all those clothes and products in your own closet and make any purchase for the day and it will arrive at your door step and you can wear and use it the next day or within the next few days.

Sure, you cannot touch and feel products the way you do in marketplaces but if you know what you want there are greater chances of locating it online. No surprises then that products like Books for which all you need to know is the title and publisher became so popular to be purchased online.

On the other hand, shopping for perfume for example on line, there's no way to smell it of course, but if you go to a marketplace, identify the brand name, you can locate it online and purchase it.

I have very little experience of making branded purchases and no experience of designer products of any kind in my life, but all kinds of products are available online from known brands to competitive unbranded products and it's convenient to make both kind of purchases, when the brand is well known, it is convenient to locate it online and purchase. Whereas products which are not advertised otherwise and might otherwise not be known can also be seen and purchased online.

I would have really liked to buy more products from Kashmir online if I ever had the money to buy them but till then I only located and experienced www.kashmirbox.com.

If time is not a factor and you want to experience a lot of shopping within limited money, then www.aliexpress.com located in China is the best place online to buy anything from clothes to collectibles. It all depends on your budget, you can get the same kind of product in various price ranges so it is up to you how much you want to spend and even low cost products under $1 are a great buy for need as well as just the experience of buying them, other than of course the more you can spend the pricier things you can buy. The quality you purchase is your own decision. If you buy a similar product for $10 or $100 you are deciding the investment made on it's quality on your own after all. But then all products here take up to 2 months to arrive and I haven't experienced returning any products here at all. 

www.amazon.in for the local Indian market and with it's popularity of Book and Electronics selling is still the most convenient for regular shopping and makes returns and replacement easier (unless it's things like technology and beauty products, so you need to always check the return and replacement policy of the product you purchase) but I always wish I could one day make purchases from all amazon sites throughout the world with free shipping :p

Other Indian sites for online shopping that I have experienced recently are www.limeroad.com, www.luluandsky.com, www.flipkart.com, www.myntra.com, www.nykaa.com, www.pepperfry.com, www.urbanladder.com, www.quikr.com

Though I would really like if more traditional markets of India and those of countries like Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, the Middle East also had online shopping sites with free or paid shipping, maybe they exist but I don't know about them yet.

Also, I wish there was some app to keep a track of all purchases  made across all shopping sites because while the packages keep arriving I need to keep remembering and noting what I ordered from what site and then act upon keeping them,returning them, return,refund status etc.

The independent world wide sites that i have experienced are www.asos.com, for clothes, www.feelunique.com for beauty products, both of which I have experienced very little because of the high costs involved while surfing through several other online brands that offer products with shipping costs. But in some of these cases, there was extra money paid up to the Indian system as customs fee on receiving the product.  

Among other sites that exist that I have located but not experienced are www.overstock.com and    www.etsy.com one for handmade and vintage products and would really like to know about more such convenient online shopping sites for brand new and vintage products which are truly life-changing!

Lonely Christmas - Video memory from Christmas in Gulmarg, Kashmir 2016

Just Cut up some video footage this week, from a Lonely Christmas memory from Christmas in Gulmarg, Kashmir in 2016.

                                                  Previous Link Christmas in Gulmarg, Kashmir pics

Questions & Answers - Childhood & the Vagina

http://smritimuse.blogspot.com/search/label/Pictures%20-%20childhood?m=0


Q) An internal remote access system that has been playing with your brain and body since childhood and in your 37th year your vagina is still on show for them through remote access?

Ans) Yes. When all of my body,brain,face,eyes,nervous system has been remotely accessed since childhood for 3 decades now, bare, why would my vagina be hidden from them?

Q) You do have a relationship with your own vagina then instead of any human?

Ans) That's what the exploitation of my life since childhood has turned out to be.

Q) And what exactly is this relationship with your vagina?

Ans) Lets go back to when i was being readied at 4 or 5 years of age and i didn't know that some remote access system was able to access me and use me. I only knew how to live with my family and go to the army school where i was used for on stage activities. My brain was still developing and it was trying to develop a relationship with the various faces that were forced on my face through remote access technology so I grew up in bitterness and confusion in every way with nobody to lead me. The Indian media exposure and western exposure in India and the sort of influence it had in our home made me sexually active in some way since 4 or 5 years of age. I was made to lipkiss my mother as a child and was made to sleep on her bed with her in the absence of our father who was away serving Army postings. There was overexposure of Indian film,tv,advertising content while my brain,body,face, senses, nervous system were remotely accessed and 'played' with. My family members too were very outspoken about sexual content like my face,thighs,breasts and often teased me since primary school and later from everything about my bra colour and very early about vaginal discharge in my vagina and panty. I began spreading my legs since primary school on whatever hard surfaces I found, wooden chalkboards, wooden bedsides,wooden chairs, home metal staircases, bicycle seats. As you can tell i was innocent and my innocence was exploited as a free show to be watched by remote access.

Q) And all through these years, the army school was using you on their free on stage activity?

Ans) Yes. 

Q) Without any conversation about you, with you?

Ans) Yes. I am 37 now no Army school has still had any conversation about me with me.

Q) Then what other contact did your vagina make over the years?

Ans) Through the first 15 years these were hard surfaces where i was spreading my thighs and orgasming to then after age 20 from age 20 to age 29, my vagina had felt too much contact with hard surfaces so now my vagina and thighs were making contact with softer surfaces like pillows, blankets, bedsheets, right from my year long stay in Melbourne to Mumbai. 

Q) And this is all being watched?

Ans) Of course. Its a free show of a bare childhood onward. All along while my internals are handed over to multiple users internally through technology who 'play' with my face, brain, body, feeling, nervous system.

Q) And in Delhi growing up in the civil government area in the 90s you were also given adulterated drug chemicals in milk to heighten your sexual activity?

Ans) Possibly because sometimes i found my mind racing and then slowing down making it difficult to study which i struggled with. I was being forced into some kind of drug induced HIGHS and LOWS with no drug intake. 

Q) What is so special about your relationship with your own vagina to you?

Ans) See, i have been exploited since childhood being brought up in India between the Indian army and the Indian civil government area. I was never told about how i was being remotely accessed bare through technology and i was being used under a 'learn to obey' scheme and heckled and humiliated and mocked within the family. Neither was I educated clearly what it meant to be from Kashmir, Muzzafarabad or Srinagar until I chose to study on my own and be educated about it since age 18. So all the damage that was done to me till then had already destroyed me. Now, the family members especially my parents who failed to conceive a son and instead gave birth to me, their third daughter often heckled me and forced me to boy-role for them which i didn't like at all. My hair was forced to remain boy-cut which i didn't like either. They often addressed me with a gender swap,   "baba, tu aaya, tu gaya, tune khaaya?" which i didn't like either. I was born a girl and wanted to be acknowledged and remain that way. It was all a part of being readied for whatever they were readying me for. So, i held on to my own female sexual identification genitals  between my thighs very early.

Q) Other than your family and the show system, did the remote access also contribute in the forced transgendering?

Ans) Of course. They looted me off my own face since childhood and forced several other faces of males, females on me for 3 decades now. The Indian stage was also humiliating me openly by making me do boy roles and male parts and then their audience was directed to laugh at it, whether it was the Indian army school stage or delhi theatre groups. Even the bombay stage was making content about humiliating gender swap and prostitution according to the hindu system. They wanted me to feel like my body is that of a man, or my face is that of a man, and that I am born to some other race than the culture my dna belongs to. 



Q) So, within all the forced transgendering and race modification done by the family, remote access technology and every other system in India you held on to your vagina, to feel like the girl you were born as and denied to be?

Ans) Yes. It helped steal my own real self from within these traps I am born to and used by and to remain a girlchild and woman.

Q) What about your body and vagina, what is their relationship like?

Ans) My body has had to obey the systems I am born to. As a child I travelled to wherever my family took me and i was force fed whatever greasy food the family force fed me and i was forced to remain indoors the way my family forced me to and i was forced to sleep in the security of my mother. And my body was obviously being used by the army school stage on a 'obey' basis the way they wanted in their extra curricular activities and i was to obey them and they worked mostly on my voice and speech only and never really directed my body or sexual life when they could have given me some health and fitness tips.

Q)  You were first fattened by force fed greasy home food and then turned tall, did that affect your relationship with your vagina?

Ans) People have to understand that a woman of whatever shape, fattened or tall doesn't become a man just by being tall and I hate any of that mis-use of my own gender and thankfully my relationship with my vagina kept me aware of my own femininity even if a system wanted to exploit my height or face and force me to become anyone else or boy-role or man-role just because I am a tall woman. 

Q) So within all these race modifications and gender modifications that have been forced upon you since childhood for 3 decades now, your 
innocent childhood relationship with your own vagina has saved you in some way?

Ans) It has. My vagina is still the blessed part of my womanhood just as it was of my girlhood and it has kept me aware of my own self. Since they tried so hard to modify my face since childhood, abuse my brain, exploit my body but my vagina helped me see through all of that exploitation and helped me crave for my own cultural identification instead of the other races whose faces were forced on my face through remote access technology and other peoples breath forced into me.

Q) So, since childhood say since you were 5-6 years old spreading your legs on hard surfaces and then your own struggle in Melbourne, Delhi, Mumbai, and all of you is being watched internally bare as your spread your thighs into various surfaces and orgasm to it in the absence of any sexual relationship, has anyone ever in your 3 decades plus life ever cared enough or referred your vagina to be medically examined for health reasons or possible infections ever at all? To a medical doctor or gynecologist?

Ans) NO. 
Other than the incident forced on me in 2010 at age 29.

Q) And all these internal 'watchers', 'players', 'modifiers' of you have only been watching and using you via remote access control since childhood?

Ans) Yes. They are enemies of me. They must have been happy watching me destroyed since childhood in every way. The rest of them, power pimps, must have filled their own crotches with power, money, publicity exploiting this information about me. 


Q) Is this why At the Film and t.v Institute of India, when an actors penis was directed to enter you overnight in 2010 and ejaculate into you, it was done to your anus and not your vagina?

Ans) They don't tell me. Ask them. It is like a bad experience for me obviously, one of the worst nights of my life. But there was other kind of sexual humiliation that they wanted to give to me. They also wanted to humiliate me about piles in my anus that developed when hot,greasy food was forced on me by my family growing up in the excessive heat of Delhi in the 1990s and the various modifications made to me by remote access which possibly including forcing artificial heat onto my body internally. 
So the 2010 abort was the only time i have had my vagina examined by doctors.

Q) Is this also why you were forced in semen in adulterated food stuff when you were brought back to Delhi since 2012?

Ans) Again, ask them, whoever those criminals are. There is possibly something to do with Gujarati politics of India of in it as well for gujarati pimps and prostitutes and their political power and fame, its part of a rape and abuse carried out by power pimps. They also wanted to prove that since I am tall, they didn't need just a tall man to rape, abort me and a physical medical termination, rape abort could be carried out by short men and their penis too, by mixing semen with adulterated food stuff to conceive in the womb and then medically terminated through the remote access technology system internally. 

Q) And you are still spreading your legs out to them, making contact with various surfaces, quilts and blankets and bedsheets, orgasming to them while remote access technology watch ?

Ans) I don't have any other beginning to life or work even until now. And I do not know who the watchers are, all i have is memory of my own childhood and its instinctive relationship with my womanhood, my vagina. 

Q) Amazing that you have wasted and given all your life and time to India by being born here  and living here and they make some 900 crap films every year that give characters,crores and care to all their women and men they make and run 24.7 filth television, but they havent bothered to even  acknowledge that you exist, leave aside ever making you part of their work or treat you out of your misery in any way?

Ans) the internal indian system has supported them in looting all of my life, career, personality,being,struggle effort and making somebody elses life and career with it. They are poison to me. I curse them. Obviously I dont consume their poison any more.

Q) But maybe all these watchers were never interested into your vagina and in 3 decades didn't even refer your vagina to a doctor?

Ans) Maybe they are not interested in mine, ever even when i was a little girl and they are only interested in playing with other little girls with fresh genitalia and innocent brains and god help and save those children. As you can tell I am not LITTLE but obviously i live with my own vagina and they haven't been able to force me to be trans gendered.

Q) Okay, not just neglecting your vagina, these Show makers or controllers who remotely access you for 3 decades now and the external ways in which you have been used since childhood, did not ever direct your body towards human touch?

Ans) No. Not even when they rarely gave me any 'role' to play, not even then. It's like I didn't exist for  them, other than to be humiliated. And very late and very sparingly in real life. My dog gave me touch instead till it was alive. Whichever show pimps or power pimps watch me in misery they possibly go give touch,love etc to their paid visible prostitutes or other people instead and that doesnt mean anything to me. Its like them giving love or touch to some other body because my body is being neglected or them giving clothes to some other body because my body is naked with no clothes. Those pimps and their paid visible prostitutes mean nothing to me. I have been given very little experience of human touch for my age. These Indians havent even given me the experience of resting my head on anybodys shoulder to cry on, my body by this age of 37 doesnt even have that experience.

Q) What did you mean, when you said previously about other people trying to replace you and your struggle with some other vagina?

Ans) See, they can try to modify, change, destroy my face, modify other parts of my body and copy, loot, my own struggle by copying my face or name but they have not lived the life or absence of it, which my own vagina has. For example, if men try to loot and copy my struggle even if they become trans gendered, they cannot become Me because they have a penis which i don't. And if they try to loot me by copying and looting my struggle out through their women, even those women are not Me, because their vagina isn't what my vagina is since childhood. And I don't want to become those people either. 

Questions & Answers - Struggle and no career

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q) What does your 'life', or rather the absence of death look like these days?

Ans) My old parents have kept me in their home in Delhi since 2012 because nobody in India led me to a life where i could live in any home of my own. From here, I am remotely accessed through advanced technology that continues to 'play' with my face, brain, breath, nervous system. I cannot still see the people that access and use me, i get to hear them through voice to skull talk in my brain and feel all kinds of 'other people's brains and feelings modifying my own breath. Sometimes they mock and humiliate and provoke me, other times i curse them. And they continue to force their forced content of 'dreams' into my subconscious sleep state while running their own careers while using me like a corpse or cadaver for their remote access use.


Q) What is your routine here?

Ans) Being forced to get drowsy and sleep to waste away my day and night, that's how it started since 2012. My body is sometimes on the bed, sometimes on the floor, all within the same room. Occasionally i get to a local gym, or go for a swim or walk about in some park. I read books, I write very little on my computer now, the way i wrote for years. Sometimes i use a low cost camera bought online or a second hand video camera to make or cut a video. I shop online for necessities thanks to money given to me by my parents, because nobody else in India did. Sometimes i hear music over the net or by tuning into the radio content from Pakistan or anywhere else in the world.

I consume visuals and news online and a lot of it is about how India is murdering people in Kashmir. All of this activity of being kept within this room, gets accessed from within my brain and i am not told who uses it and how it gets used.  Other than this, i stuff blankets and pillows and bed covers between my thighs, orgasm to it and offer myself to whoever is accessing me through the remote access system with my body and brain imagining that this is the only marriage and career that exists in my life because no other does! 

Q)  But this is not how the people in India from Delhi and Bombay are living? If you watch Indian t.v Indians are enjoying a non-stop ongoing party?

Ans) I haven't watched Indian t.v for 20 years. There is no memory of Indian television of the last 20 years into my brain, There is no memory of any of their highly paid overexposed news journalists, television soaps, advertisements, their glittering loud party shows or any other Indian party tabloid content in my brain. I have been made to struggle since childhood in India but I am not part of that Indian party that parties over brightly lit events and outdoor activities or world travel. They never made me part of it.

Q) So what is that struggle of yours that you keep quoting about?

Ans) Its a struggle at various levels, of first of all struggling to just be whoever i am and live and work , a struggle that remains a struggle and never begins professionally or personally.
The first struggle is my being - the face and body which has been played with and accessed since childhood using me in innocence and ignorance, while exhausting me with misery for 3 decades now. That struggle was being used as free stage show and on stage activities for the army school where I was given a stage and a microphone while my family members were mocking and scolding me. Then i ignored my face and body and wanted to communicate through radio broadcast with next to nothing income. Occasionally with the permission of my parents i gave my body to Indian theatre groups that mostly wasted me or led to humiliating parts  on free show stage with no real direction to my life. Within my room i struggled and struggled to know what was happening to me and to see the world outside a room and made a struggle based on what i was consuming about India and the World, about various professional aspirations and all aspirations in general and i struggled to write anything on a piece of paper, in notebooks while promoting the printed material given to me the army school to edit.


Then there was an academic struggle, where i attended the army school of my parents choice and on the insistence of my parents my personal time was about dedicated study, otherwise the army school would have led me to a life of wastage and failure. On my parents insistence I studied science and also because i was curious about it. The academic struggle was about unit test after unit test, science subjects, board examinations, consuming no other life other than school textbooks while being caged within the room, Then competing for medical examinations despite all the other ways in which i was being used, competing and clearing for law education in India and giving it a pass, then studying journalism through which i wanted to consume news and work and make my amateur broadcasting experience professional, then competing and clearing media management through the CAT management examination, giving it a pass and eventually being caged within a room reading books and purchasing a consumer video camera. The academic struggle continues as I try to read books but what I miss is technical education despite merit and struggle which could have come through dedicated single minded school education, through broadcasting that uses science or even through film making that uses camera and other science, none of which exist professionally in my life.

Yet another struggle was with people, first of all those within the family I am born to, understanding their struggles and aspirations and struggling to know details of our selves culturally and in every way. Then struggling to know the people of India where I am brought up and the Indian education and Indian content I was made to consume since childhood, struggling to know people for professional aspirations of trying to build networks and eventually struggling to understand the people of the place our family comes from. 

Then there's all of a professional struggle, every word i wrote in textbooks or in my computers, every word i read in books or online, my professional choices of which professional networks i would like to make and struggling to make those networks, struggling to react to things that were happening to me, acting upon them and directing my own self to survival and leading my own self towards the answers i want. 

Then, there's the physical struggle where I am all alone, boarding auto rickshaws, buses, local trains and occasional low cost flights. Where I travelled between cities all alone, look for places to stay on my own, pack up my limited belongings, suitcases etc alone and set up whatever half rooms or one rooms i lived in and then survive there alone. 

Also, there's a struggle about finances, where I spent money on books to read but there still wasn't any money for any lifestyle or even for enough clothes to wear.

All of these struggles have been either wasted, destroyed or looted away by the Indian system.

Q) Amazing. Despite being used since childhood in 1980s and academically struggling from the 1990s till 2018, living within Delhi and then Bombay on your own merit you have no life or beginning or experience in either Indian theatre,radio,film,advertising,television science,broadcasting or any of the other well financed parties Indians have been enjoying for decades?

Ans) No. All I have is a struggle and being destroyed. Because I have been born into this trap and cage, where I am made to struggle and watched struggling and then whoever i go to for professional aspirations and beginnings is led into it to further their own careers and businesses and profile, to eat into my struggle and then negate or cut me out and then they know somebody else who they will make professionally and promote. The same thing happened in Delhi and the same system followed in Bombay.

Q) That means, a lot of people in Delhi and Bombay have made careers and work profiles and lived lives and businesses just negating and cutting you out of the way and then copying or looting the efforts of your struggle?

Ans) Yes, they have. Very openly. Just as openly as I have been accessed remotely by force. Just as openly as they have been watching me in misery, alone, being wasted, struggling and being destroyed. Just as openly they played with my face and then destroyed it with bacterial chemicals and other adulterated chemicals. 

Q) So, despite such mulitiple struggles,being used since childhood and offering yourself professionally since 2002 and even attending the film and tv institute of india, you were never made part of either indian film and tv? Your struggle and presence was just used and looted to add to and make other peoples careers?

Ans)Yes. The people and content of indian film and tv is like poison to me now. And I dont consume them now.  The only misery is my brain and internals are still being accessed by force from within this delhi room and its still done without giving me any career and looting my own miserable struggle.

Q) So, you are not travelling to Bombay now?

Ans) After i was directed away from Broadcasting aspirations by the Indian education system in 2001, and using the year long exchange programme In Melbourne awarded to me in 2001-2002 when i returned to India I took up work with Bollywood and i was 22 years old. In all these years, I have been given no professional beginning. They just wanted to keep watching me struggle with no beginning. Nobody made me their film writer or assistant director to share their technical film making skills. Nobody introduced me to their acting prostitution. I was isolated and whatever I struggled for alone, on my own and whatever I discovered within my struggle was openly copied and looted by the Indian system giving me no professional break or beginning. No film maker has ever shared their technical film making skills with me, Among new media subjects including new media and society and digital media cultures I only studied a Single Camera Video subject in Melbourne in 2001 and no other technical training.

Q) Then who has lived all these professions you have been aspiring for, who as lived the Author, Film-maker, acting prostitute or even broadcaster than you struggled to be?

Ans) Other people in India who are promoted heavily and paid heavily in life and work credit when they negate or cut me out of their way and then they are paid to copy out what I struggle and sell it as free source material as somebody else's career. 

Q) But you are the one who is making all these choices and networking and struggling?

Ans) When you know your entire life was conceived that you can be used as free source material to be used in as many way, then it doesn't come as a surprise. As a student even if they cannot deny you a place in their educational system where merit and hard work is on show, they can still murder your career and aspiration by physically destroying and not making you part of their professional lives. So, all of my life, brain, body existed only to be looted at source, through some advanced high technology system that still has free access to everything from my brain, to face to vagina to nervous system. But the careers, professions,lives are lived by other people.

Q) Will you go to Bombay now, if you were finally given a break in as an assistant director or scriptwriter?

Ans) NO. I contacted Bombay people since 2002 with these aspirations and its 2018 now. I never want to see Bombay city ever in my life again. Other than the air of the sea that my body had never experienced before the years of my life wasted has only given me bad experiences. 

Q) But Bombay city makes its professionals live lives of frequent travel including world travel, designer wear and huge pay packets and all sort of life, what did they show you instead?

Ans) They showed me the room to my own parents house. They showed me their slums, hostel and half rooms in their apartments. They showed me disease.They showed me my life and struggle being cut, copied and looted and their own careers and businesses and publicity profiles booming. They showed me how they could negate me, avoid me and make anybody else part of their work and careers. They showed me how highly paid and how low they really are. 

Q) So, they never even showed you any of glittering lavish bollywood extravangaza events either?

Ans) No. I have never been made part of any such event in my life. I don't know what it feels like. I know the struggle of networking and attending cinema hall based events if at all any, obviously all alone. All the music that i have experienced has come from my own experience of struggle or online.

Q) And they obviously didn't show you any travel either?

Ans) I travelled to be in Bombay on my own, it was my own struggle. The Indian system had given me a flight ticket to Melbourne when i really wanted to travel to Kashmir with journalism instead and a week long experience travelling to Lahore, Pakistan. Other than that no Indian system ever gave me any travel to anywhere. They watched me struggle alone in public transport systems in Bombay just the way they had in Delhi. So, I have no experience of travelling within Indian cities neither do i have any experience of travelling anywhere in Europe or America or the Middle East. 

Q) If the Indian system had made you part of their booming commercial news industry instead of rejecting your applications, how different would your life have been?

Ans) Instead of being caged within rooms for 3 decades i could be professionally kept within any of their Indian newsrooms and my life could have been a professional career. And all the books that I ever read could have been read within their newsroom and they could have conversed with me professionally and exercised my brain in a professional way. All my science education and merit could have been professionally channelized. They could have made me travel within India with them and to Kashmir as i was curious about. My limbs were still young and fresh and unused in 2001. Now my limbs really feel wasted and miss experiencing the outdoors. It really has nothing to do with the name or face. Maybe they could have even made me travel abroad and counted many more flight tickets than the one that the Indian college gave me. I have no such experience! 

Q)So, despite wanting to travel to Kashmir since 1998 no Indian newsroom, army, or Indian film made you travel there?

Ans) No. It would have been very easy for them. I networked, consumed information online and travelled alone. Because watching me alone in misery is their pleasure. If some news room security or film unit would have been there for me,it would have happened within year 2000. Maybe i could have even travelled to Azad Kashmir with them as i aspire to. So, which ever Indian news business or Indian film, tv shop went to Kashmir with their business, none of them ever took me along. 

Q) But other than any technical science based skill you do have one year training in scriptwriting from India?

Ans) Anybody can get writing training or get no writing training at all, sit caged within a room and write. The struggle isn't about the writing training, it's about being signed to write a script commercially and if all of my life, brain, thought is already accessed through advanced high technology, and everything I write into my computer is already accessed through my eyes and brain and even my computer is hacked into and my computer hard disk is stolen, there was no need for any of the Indians i met to 'sign' me for any work anymore, all of my struggle is looted at source for free of course.

Q) So other than the film scripts you wrote on your computer that nobody made, you are not writing any more film scripts on your computer anymore?

Ans) The advanced technology assault on my brain since 2012 within this room has taken away the writing discipline with which I lived within my computer. Somebody else has lived and made the films, scripts, writing i was supposed to make. They heckle me into my brain, i can barely manage to read. I don't write much. Who should I write for now in India? The directors and film family eggs of Bombay? The people who watched me being wasted and destroyed, negating the very fact that my own life, face, being, body is being played with since childhood? Those who never bothered to know from me any of the misery i have been expressing online, leave alone, treat it through their creativity? 

Q) So, really haven't been given any financial beginning or professional break in ever?

Ans) As it turns out, all my struggle was internally scammed to be 'hobby based', 'amateur' aspiration so that I never get made in professionally or commercially within their Indian system whereas i continue to be accessed and used through remote access as free source material. How much they could have invested professionally, commercially in me, if they would have engaged with my brain professionally and all that they could have shown to my set of eyes that they have remotely accessed and hacked into since childhood. It's really their own loss in trying to waste and destroy me. 

Q) What would have been an ideal financial aspiration? And why would you have needed those finances?

Ans) I struggled and I still struggle. It's upto their system how they rate and value my life financially. Even as as child, being used for free for the army school stage or any other Indian theatre stage was a struggle, 150 rupees for radio work was a struggle, so even 5,000,10,000,15,000 rupees a month is a salaried struggle. They employ people and give them careers, its upto them how they use them, they pay lakhs or crores to anybody working with them for a few weeks or pay 5,000 rupees a month to somebody like me made available to them. But if they kept using me for free or paying me 5,10,15 thousand rupees a month as the Indian experience has been, what money would I have earned to bring to my parents, or to aspire to secure a home or build a home or to live and travel freely or to invest in any technical training? ever money is given to me, I have lived within that. So, instead of material returns I have had to give my own self and time to my parents who have been there in my struggle.

Q) Was aspiring for Indian political service your aspiration?

Ans) I am happy I have no such aspiration now since I am so used to be looted, wasted and destroyed in India. When every other aspiration of mine was being systematically destroyed in India, I noticed my journalism broadcasting aspiration in Delhi had already been politically directed in 2000. And when I was in Bombay struggling, political developments were both securing and chasing me, for example when i lived in the working women's hostel in Bombay in 2007, It's owner Pratibha Patil was appointed the first woman President of India. And eventually a theatre group in Bombay where i spent a few months and danced was also politically affiliated. Growing up in a civil government area in New Delhi because of my parents efforts and all these political influences was becoming a mountain for me.  So, when after good and bad experiences my parents wanted me to be located in Delhi again with them in 2011 I thought that if every other aspiration is being wasted and none of the Indian systems are making me part of them professionally, maybe they would want me to serve them in Delhi for a few years and finally some professional life could begin in any way instead of being wasted. I was open to it in just as I was open to a struggle in India and that all of that struggle could be used somewhere constructively. I also thought maybe It's here in Delhi where i can show some new life to my parents in Delhi the way they showed me their efforts and struggles in Delhi. But instead what was done to me within the Delhi home through a remote access system and other ways i was 'played with' since 2012 to now, how much an internal system in India was hating me, and how they wanted me destroyed in every way and my innocent aspirations of struggling and working in India was nothing but mock and humiliation to be yet another struggle that would be openly looted and copied to market some other career service professional that India wanted to sell, who is their own and how the never considered me their own. The remote access system began fully assaulting me from within this room whereas an external system began 'playing with me' to feed me adulterated chemicals while they ran other careers openly on every aspiration of mine in India. Now just as I want the pimps of Bombay to stick to the people whose careers and lives they made professionally which was never me, the same way I want the power circles of India's media and politics to converse with, party with and consume only the people whose careers they professionally made in New Delhi which wasn't me, I am not theirs, I don't get invited to any of their New Delhi events, it's their loss, not mine. Now I trust neither the Indian army nor Indian politicians, neither any content of indian film nor indian tv. Following any lead given by any of these Indian systems only leads to poison and destruction in my life.

Q) At your age, not just in India but anywhere, women have at least 10-15 years of married life experiences or at least 15 years of professional life experiences, don't you feel your life has been led to being way behind those normal lives?

Ans) Those are probably women that have been loved and cared for and maybe they have some other struggle. I have been born in a cage surrounded by enemies and led towards enemies where my life has been about being accessed,abused,mocked,wasted, destroyed,humiliated. 

Q) So at age 37 with no professional or personal life, what do you take back with you?

Ans) Only struggle with a beginning yet to be made. They can destroy a face like they destroyed mine, but they should not try to copy or destroy a struggle anymore because a struggle shows up in some other form. It's like air. I have been brought up to breathe it.