Muzzafarabadi Smriti Vij 1981 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwUiP_j14chQRNRxzufPGhQ: Making Lonely Christmas

Q) You just released some video clips from way back in 2016?

Ans) Yes, i was surfing some content on the web and feeling very lonely in December 2016, so i booked a flight and went to Gulmarg in Kashmir alone on Christmas Day in 2016. I saw a few videos by Pakistani Personality Taher Shah for the first time, heavily promoted on Indian media ndtv online and wanted to locate a location like that and took a flight to Srinagar the next day, alone as always.

Now, I wish Gulmarg organises a music concert by Pakistani artistes and Taher Shah along with Atif Aslam,Farhan Saeed, Sajjad Ali, Shuja Haider,Junoon band, also remembering the music of Junaid Jamshed and whoever from Pakistan wants to play their popular music there should bring their music which is anyway available on the web and play it in Gulmarg. It will be a dream to watch it online.

Q) What made you decorate a tree right there ?

Ans) This is something that used to run in my mind when i was a child growing up in Delhi and was very little and the festive Christmas time used to really inspire me and i used to look forward to it, even though we didn't really celebrate it. Sometimes we did. My mother used to tell me how, when they were growing up in Kashmir all festivals were celebrated and Christmas was one of them. And then, she used to show us these papier mache decorations made in Kashmir that i liked to collect.

Q) Do you like celebrating festivals?

Ans) When we were children, festivals would be celebrated within the home, Any festival meant we were supposed to be at home with the parents and that's about all. Ever since I had stepped away from home, there haven't been any festivals in my life.

Other than watching my mother enjoy her hindu festivals inside the home, no Indian hindu has ever celebrated any of their Indian Hindu festivals with me, I have never been invited either by any Indian Hindus to celebrate any of their festivals.

Q) Not even in Melbourne or Bombay?

Ans) In Melbourne, yes, I remember Christmas I was backpacking on my own for the first time ever and stopped somewhere on Christmas day, but the season was different, obviously, so for the first time I experienced warmth during Christmas time. In Bombay, I have no experience of any kind of celebration, no festival or any other. But sounds and happenings of the city did reach me. So, overall, there hasn't been any festive celebration in my life.

Q) Not even Film festivals?

Ans) I have attended very little, local film festivals in Delhi and Bombay. But there has been no direction in my life to lead me towards any International film festivals.

Q) But Indians frequent quite a lot of International film festivals?

Ans) That's their life, I am not them. Indians enjoy their own party internationally. Indians never gave me the professional lives they live, not just that they didn't even give me any clothes to wear. I have no such experience of any International film festivals.

Q) But Bollywood people of Bombay in India are also now specifically flown around international film festival markets other than their bollywood prostitution business?

Ans) In Bombay, the same Bollywood film family monkey eggs are given every possible work in their genitals in their Bombay prostitution 'Industry' and they are the same people whose genitals and work is now flown around international film festivals as well after destroying and copying other peoples careers. I have no such life experience.

The same set of Bollywood film family monkey eggs are given everything from work,careers,clothes,travel,homes,film festivals,life experiences other than money in their genitals. I have no beginning to any such experience.

Q) Then, what are your aspirations of International film festivals?

Ans) Instead of Bollywood film family eggs who loot, copy, steal everybody's aspirations and struggle to market their own genitals,

If anything, the people of Kashmir who create precious work despite war and struggle should have their work entered into International Film festivals as entries from Kashmir.

Q) Coming back to Christmas, you are reaching out to somebody else's faith by celebrating it?

Ans) Yes, not just reaching out but yelling and screaming to find comfort in other peoples faith for a very long time know. You can say, since childhood. I have been yelling, screaming to find knowledge about lives away from the conditioning i was brought up with and learn and know about other peoples faith because of all the confusion and misery imposed on me through the controlling systems and the advanced technology methods that have left me in misery since childhood and for 3 decades now. In the absence of a career and very bad humiliating events in my life, that reaching out has only increased. Especially how I have been sexually humiliated and looted of my struggle and how my face has been played with through remote technology and repeatedly destroyed.

I am happy to have read the Holy Quran and the Bible from cover to cover recently and I wish I had read them earlier.

Q) So, you are not interested in the Hindu faith

Ans) No. Very bad experiences in India. I rather be a reader of other peoples faith now, even if I am ignorant about them. And since no religious 'festival' celebration exists in my own life, I feel isolated and lonely and have started experiencing festivals of other religion.

Despite watching my mother celebrate Hindu festivals in her home and being with her in it, I feel very isolated and alienated when religious festivals are celebrated and marketed and people are seen enjoying the event with other people, especially Indian Hindu festivals because I have grown up in India but I have been kept alienated from all festivals in Delhi and Bombay.

Q) Are you really kept this lonely and isolated even at age 37?

Ans) Yes, over the years i realised its a strategy used against me surviving in India, where I have been friendly and participative since childhood but I realised I was being strategically isolated not just singled out as an unwanted Muzzafarabadi Kashmiri as it turns out to be, where every one else in India lives their contemporary lives with their peers whereas I am isolated despite struggle and effort instead of living any 'normal' professional or personal life like everyone else in living in India. Now, all I have been given in 7 years within the same room at home is an internet connection and a remote access technology system that remotely access me.

Q) What about the making of this personal video footage?

Ans) There's no making. I remembered my childhood dream. I purchased a few Kashmiri papier mache decorations in Delhi. I took a flight from Delhi to Srinagar and then a cab till Gulmarg and I was happy to breathe the landscape. In Delhi since my life is within a room, indoors, i don't get much fresh air and open spaces so I needed to breathe in some green landscape and snow clad mountains, that i couldn't as a child growing up in Delhi. Also, just a gym and a pool cannot keep my body moving, my limbs really feel wasted without any life outdoors or travelling life.

Q) There were some bad news stories from Kashmir in 2016, the year of Burhan Wani, did that not scare you from travelling alone?

Ans) No. It's as it is a miserable life to be abandoned alone and travelling alone everywhere and when it has continued in my life for 20 years now with not much travel and mostly living indoors within a room, my lungs desperately need fresh air wherever it comes from. In fact, it was more of a reason to travelling to Kashmir, because it's obvious bad news is created to stop people from travelling freely to Kashmir.

Q) But why 2 years to share this?

Ans) It's not much of a release. I had only put up some photos earlier. This is just to say sometimes, short video clips can speak a little more than photos. As it is my life gets wasted, destroyed, looted,copied in India to destroy me, so what's 2 years anymore!

Q) So, why weren't you there Last Christmas as well?

Ans) I was surfing the web instead. Feeling really lonely and chat room surfing with festive strangers online on chatrooms. It was a nice feeling to know, i can just log on to a video chat room and there will always be someone there in some part of the world to talk to. But then I did go looking for winter and snow a few months after Christmas as well last year.

Q) What about all the music you have placed?

Ans) Actually I have consumed so little music in my life that i discover music as i begin to look for it. I just haven't lived that kind of a musical life. As you can tell, these are just a few clips that i put together last week, spending 2 days on it. And then I went looking for free music online and discovered most of this music last week. The ones I had heard already was Jingle Bell Rock and Silent Night, my favourite Christmas Carol which i loved listening to around Christmas time since Childhood. Other than that, Last Christmas is so popular but it is very sad and unfortunate that it's great musician George Michael left us with this beautiful song and other music in that Christmas in 2016.

Then, i discovered an energetic Christmas number by Mariah Carey called All I want for Christmas is You, only while making this last week and really related to it. Other than that, the music pieces are Christmas Oratorio by J.S Bach and I once again close with the music piece by Robert Schumann, Scenes from Childhood. So, I am really sharing all my musical discovery while putting together a few clips of personal footage.

Q) What else do you want to tell us about this making?

Ans) It's been made with a mini DV camera that i had got from the second hand market In Old Delhi and now that camera has completely broken down and this is one of the last things shot with it.

Q) You don't have much experience with cameras even now?

Ans) No. I have seen very few cameras in my life. I never had access to a camera growing up. I studied a single camera video subject way back in the stay in Melbourne where i handled a video camera on my own for the first time. After that with my first work experiences in India i had purchased a consumer handycam. All my videography is consumer videography. Nobody in India has given me any technical camera or technical film making training other than writing tips. They have just looted from my own struggle and set up careers for others.

Q) Anybody who cares for your face can see several faces reflected through your face, what kind of faces did they add to you face while you filmed yourself?

Ans) Yes that torment has been forced on my face through remote access technology since childhood without letting me know, of course. In this particular travel experience alone in Kashmir in 2016, the remote access technology system was busy forcing male Indian faces to transgender me by force every time I turned the camera on my face, even when I was wearing the only dress I owned, they kept forcing regional Indian male faeces on my face and a lot of obese Indian female and male faeces were forced on my face and never once was my own Muzzafarabadi Kashmiri face allowed to breathe in front on my own personal camera or otherwise. It was torment and with all the blessings of faith I Curse those people who abused me in this way through remote access technology. As it is nobody, especially in India has ever cared since my childhood for 3 decades to make any photographs or videos or any other records of me, they have just used some remote access technology to abuse me and visibly my face in some 'real life' free show of humiliation,mock,torment which I have been made to endure since childhood. So the little video footage of me that I have has been abused through remote access technology so that my own real self is not visible and with other faeces and male faeces and Indian faeces forced on me I can be humiliated,hated,mocked,laughed at,cursed,abused etc.